Unresolved harmonies,
My fading questions for you.
And vultures devour my liver,
And the stone gets heavy,
And the slope becomes too steep,
And the wheel keeps turning,
And you're in sight, but out of reach.
But memories don't fade, they don't die,
They grow stronger with time,
They swell, crescendo,
They deafen me with their insistence.
They demand I remember you.
They won't die.
And the echoes of your laughter
Careen and bounce in my skull,
My mortal brain,
The coils of curséd neural tissues,
Inflamed yet numb at the same time,
As if dissected with a laser.
Ghosts of your eyes haunt me,
Awake or asleep, the same blue nightmare
Of a beauty beyond the beauty
Of the most beautiful things in the world.
And my eyes still burn
With the blinding light of your golden hair,
As if someone had taken molten rock or nuclear starlight
And spun it on a loom.
And when I cup my hand just so,
I can still feel your cheek, the pulse in your neck,
And your lips still burn against mine.
Author notes
Written July 28th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
wow! really great poem
And the echoes of your laughter
Careen and bounce in my skull,
i really like that line for some reason! thank you so much for your well ment and recived words on my poem "please don't" i'm not a violent person and i just wanted to get that outta my systom so i could go on being happy! this is an excelent poem! i like the illusion of it all.... remarkable work! keep it up! -
very good
very beautiful poem. Best lines:
Ghosts of your eyes haunt me,
Awake or asleep, the same blue nightmare
Of a beauty beyond the beauty
then again the ending:
And when I cup my hand just so,
I can still feel your cheek, the pulse in your neck
you have done very well with this poem.
thank you
John
-
You were right on the money about the mythological references, Katie; I was afraid I was being too obtuse about them. Besides Sisyphus, which you, of course, picked up on, there were also references to Prometheus, Ixion and Tantalus.
My repeating "die" in the second stanza was intentional, as if I'm saying, "why won't these memories die already?!" Hence the variation in the wording.
As for the "nuclear" phrasing, I couldn't at the time think of anything else that could describe, in one word, how starlight in fact is generated, by the fission occurring in the star. So, while it wasn't intended to be a modern technical term, being as it describes an extremely ancient function, I guess I could pretend that I was bridging gaps in time. But now we all know better.
I used "laser" to describe the way my brain feels thinking about... whoever I was thinking about as I wrote this because, when you think about it, having tissue dissected by a laser would cut it up nice and neat, yet instantly cauterize it... "inflamed yet numb at the same time."
I actually considered going way overboard with the "beauty" stanza, but I felt that in its final version that it was melodic (although, I admit, syncopated) enough to warrant its staying as is. Like my music, my poetry tends to take sharp turns rhythmically at times for reasons I can't exactly describe. I just like throwing people off every once in a while, I guess, and I'll not make excuses or apologize for it
.
Anyway, of my own work, this is among my favorites, and I'm glad it's met with some approval from my peers. It was a joy to write.
- El Gio -
ohhh, i sense some mythological references! perhaps im wrong, but i heard a very distict describtion of sisyphus, with his boulder and the steep hill he had to push it up for all enternity... very very cool. but anyway, moving on:
i think this is my favorite one by you so far. o) its just awesome. the describtions are vivid, and sort of... mythological, in themselves- poetically beautiful, mystical imagry, etc. i really like this...
but, there are somethings i had problems with. first off, i realize the pattern with the five 'and's and 'they's, but i think it just makes the first two stanzas a little too choppy. although, that really didnt bother me that much, and if you want to keep it, it will still be an awesome awesome poem. o)
in the first stanza 'steep' and 'reach' rhyme, and that caught me slightly off guard, but im guessing you didnt mean to make them rhyme (since its in a kind of random spot) so just thought id bring that to your attention.
ok, onward!- second stanza uses 'die' twice (which usually bugs me) but i kinda like the way you worded it- with the don't and won't. so i could actually keep it. just wanted to congrat you on that, you put two of the same word and it didnt bug me. i even liked it.
ummm... next: the rest of it i really didnt have any problems with... its just very flowing and pretty. the only thing is a few of the describtive words fall out of the kind of... past feeling of the poem, such as 'laser' and 'nuclear', both awesome and vivid words, but i didnt feel they fit in the same genre as 'stone'. although, you might be trying to inlay some sort of passage of time over the course of the poem... but i doubt thats whats going on... anyway, the brain describtion seemed a little misplaced and abstract, but i still liked it and in a weird way it worked, so maybe a few things could be done with it, but if you are doubtful then just dont touch it.
and lastly, the fourth stanza uses 'beauty' twice and then 'beautiful', and i like what you were going for, but it just sounded too strange to the tongue for me.
:breathes in:
so yeah... woo. i really do like this, and its getting bookmarked o) so please dont be upset by my critical remark. im the most critical on the poems i like, or i think have potential... and i like this a lot. very well done.
Katie o)
-
excellent
Strong voice, creative lines, great word choice. An emotional and well-penned piece. I especially love this stanza...
But memories don't fade, they don't die,
They grow stronger with time,
They swell, crescendo,
They deafen me with their insistence.
They demand I remember you.
They won't die.
An enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing
~Kathy
-
very good...your words are very striking, and your imagery is excellent. i really truly enjoyed reading his. You don't find many poems of this quality around here...(at least not in my opinion...hah i'm probably not one of the better writers..)
Anyway, keep u the excellent writing. You really have talent.
~Dreamer
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
