Precious Tommy
These clouds are like my cloudy eyes
Both hide their suns
Yet in the sky I sense one will return
But below my eyes I know one never will
The heart that dwelt inside you now is still
And you who filled my heart
Who made it sing
By doing nothing else than being
Have left me clouds that will not drift away
To drop these tears atop this grass below you lay
***
Dearest Mother
Like drum beats
to no particular pattern
I hear your tears splatter
upon the ground above me
Soon I will taste them
How well I know their salts
and sweetnesses
How well I know their sorrow
So often do you awaken me
Oh, if only I could transform this dust
back into the arms I long to wrap around you
to hold you close again tightly
to tell you that
I’m sorry
I died
Author notes
A poem inspired by the enduring pain I felt coming from within my mother after my little brother, who was born fourteen years after I was, when she was forty-three, died young, accidentally.
A contest entry
- Apologies! by Manorexic.
600 points, ended July 24, 2007, 26 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I challenge you by Ilma.
800 points, ended August 2, 2007, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For my mom by MistressAkasha.
300 points, ended August 17, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The most difficult... by file not found.
475 points, ended August 7, 2007, 27 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by Shining for You.
700 points, ended August 5, 2008, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - How Can I Feel Whole Again by guardian angel.
475 points, ended August 19, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - We understand death for the first time when he puts his hand upon one whom we love. ~Madame de Stael by Mak.
625 points, ended January 22, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prose. by swim.x.
700 points, ended April 2, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - MADD! Mothers agaisnt drunk drivers.. Help me mourn. by jenadyleigh.
550 points, ended May 3, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Cry by Lady Juliet.
850 points, ended May 3, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pretty Dirty Dirty Pretty by Mercury Rising.
700 points, ended June 25, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nevermore . . . (Dark and emotional prewrites contest) by BrokenGlassRose.
800 points, ended November 10, 53 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 70 of 70
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I love how it switches from Tommy to his mother. Good luck!
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I like the back and forth here between Mom and Tom...
"And you who filled my heart
Who made it sing
By doing nothing else than being
Have left me clouds that will not drift away
To drop these tears atop this grass below you lay
I hear your tears splatter
upon the ground above me
Soon I will taste them
How well I know their salts
and sweetnesses..."
Truly beautiful lines
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i like the different point of views in this. thanks for entering my contest
lun -
Such a sad poem, told with such clarity and empathy that leaves the reader in no doubt these words have come from first hand understanding.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest. -
wow, this incredible. So much emotion in such well choosen word. Some lines i just love liked "Oh, if only I could transform this dust /back into the arms I long to wrap around you" and the one about drum beats. It's just absolutely beautiful piece that truely makes me want to cry with how raw it is and beautifully done. Finalist
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Once again another trophy winning piece, is there no end to the talent of poets gathered here or is it simply the lack of talent avalable forcing what there is to simply steal the glory again and again
It is very emotonal and incredably heartfelt, perhaps that is what makes this piece so heartrenching! I don't know but it just captures that certain something that stirrs us all.
Great work best of luck
Dryad Enya -
But below my eyes I know one never will
The heart that dwelt inside you now is still
Very beautiful. Please include your prompt and penname in the AN before the contest ends or else I will have to DQ. Also, this is a PW you must enter three fresh writes before entering a PW, so tell me if you have entered three fresh writes already. Thanks for entering.
Clair -
Tom To Mom
I cannot say enough about this poem. It's lovely, well done, and emotional. It captures what you wanted to say and what you feel
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an obvious already winner so pure to the heart and well expressed emotion.
thank you for entering -
This was a very well done poem. I could feel the pain and the sorrow in this womans life having lost a child. It is never an easy thing to do. But somehow we pull our attention back to the ones that are still living and well move on. Thank you for sharing this
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thats so sad.... thanks for the entry
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All those trophies to me say it all, its a speechless.Thank You for entering, and for expressing such sensentive emtional thoughts and good luck
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So intense and sorrowful. This was a joy to read, but painful. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you.
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This is a very sad and poignant poem thart was very touching, but I specifically asked for dirty pretty erotica, and this poem is neither of those things, so how it ended up in my contest is a great mystery. Anyway, the contest is closed now, so you might as well leave it in. Best of luck, and thanks for entering.
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so sad ..:(
this is so sad...
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So Sorry For Your Loss
Oh wow you were right that I could truly relate to this poem. This is excellently written. Not only did I loose my son but my other 2 children lost their brother. Congradulations on all the trophies for they are very well deserved. It was truly an honor to read a piece of your work. You are truly a gifted poet I can see. Thank you for your condolences on the loss of my son.
Wishing You Many Blessings,
Kelle Marie
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Good sad way to end it. Nicely done. Thanks.
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This is completely heart wrenching. I can relate to this poem, as my brother Mike died accidently as well. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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wow. The ending shocked the hell out of me. I really did not see that coming. This was a sad write but still a brilliant write. Great job and thanks for entering.
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i find myself speechless...
and it seems that all "speaks" for itself.. -
This did make me cry! It's so touching and sad....I love the way you wrote it in letter form. Great job and good luck!
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wow that was a very sad take on the prompt, i mean i didnt expect a happy poem, but this was really sad, i almost cried, the way it was written, it was beautifully discribed, the saddness of a mother losing her child and the guilt of the child for doing it, i liked the way you used the prompt. very touching.
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amazing and beautiful, brought a tear to my eye. Thank you so much for the entry. I enjoyed reading this very much!
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you have alot of trophies for this one
Great Write and
Thank You for entering my contest
Good Luck
-♥Amanda♥
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So sad and piercing. I am very sorry for the loss, but exquisite writing came from it. Your imagery is just mind-blowing. Bravo!
Best of luck and thanks for entering! -
such heartache
you write with bittersweet wording made to pierce the heart. such sad imagery and despair in both the mother and child- How I know how this feels...
your words have touched my spirit, now im shedding tears
Thankyou for sharing and good luck in the contest
RareFlower
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Thank you SO much for actually putting emotion into this piece. Your writing is inspiring, and i'm sorry i can't see your username because i really want to read more of your stuff
Good luck in the contest,
Chin up,
Swim.x
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wow....
Just... wow.
Didn't see that coming until well into teh second stanza.
Excellent write there. Felt the emotion, felt everything.
Wow. -
thanks for entering. I like this write a lot. good luck.
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this is lovely. sad. moving. but still heart warming. definitely bittersweet. well done on this gem. thanks for entering. Emmy
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Oh my, this poem is fantastic, the imagery is great, and I just loved the whole idea.
Thanks for entering
Good luck
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Aw, this is a really sad poem, and wonderfully written. Well done. =
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I love the way you have shown both sides of the situation in this poem so sensitively the second part was my favorite and I thought that it was beautifully crafted
♦ M
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is a wonderful take one who this picture was interp. i love how you wrote this and at the end how it showed innocence
great work -
Very raw emotions shown here. Great job. Thanks for entering and good luck
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I like the letter form that you used. It is such a sad piece. I could feel my heart breaking as I read it, just thinking of my own son. Very tender. Thank you for your entry
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so often i want to know what my gurl is saying to me, what she wants to to know and think and feel. so many people tell you that she is saying that she wants me to be happy, but you have beautifully captured the true meaning of a lost child talking to its mother and i thank you for this.
Thank-you for entering my contest. I wish you the best of luck. -
This is a nice piece that you have done here thank you very much for adding it to my contest best wishes and much love be well
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I like how you made it like a letter and made one go to each person. this is sad and unique, good job and good luc
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wow intense emotion is detected in this piece..amazing job on this and thank you for following the rules so well.... thank you for entering and good luck
xoxox
Tasha -
Very very well done. I realy think this is beautiful. I have no criticisim. Thank you so much for sharing.
Good luck to you.
Dani. -
well done
This is so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes as it brings back my feeling of sorrow.Loseing a child is the hardest thing.Good luck in the contest -
This is a wonderful poem. I hope mom had someone to help her along after the loss of tom. Good job!
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Oh my gosh! It's so sad.... It literally gave me goosebumps! I love your format, it's creative and different from what I usually see and that's a really nice change. Your words speak enormous volumes, and when i read each 'letter' I can actually feel the emotion that either Mom or Tommy feels. That, is amazing writing. Thanks for entering!
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Its emotional and heartfelt, sad and wishful. I like how it is divided into letters, than you for entering my contest and best of luck.
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"Oh, if only I could transform this dust
back into the arms I long to wrap around you
to hold you close again tightly
to tell you that
I’m sorry
I died"
very emotional and heart felt!!!
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Very emotional write. I love poetry letters and I love this one! The way you have shown both sides of the story is really touching, really brings the pain to life.
Thanks for entering and good luck!
x
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The emotion in this is staggering at first read. The sorrow overwhelms me...... I feel the loss so vividly.... The pain is so raw and I can tell it's hurts very much. Thank you for the link to this and may God bless you and your family.
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I like this poem a lot.
It is very strong and emotional.
A very sophisticated piece demonstrating a powerful bond.
Well Done. -
Thanks for your entry...very unique style. Great idea!
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That was... really really depressing. But in a sweet way. The dust/arms thing was really good.
Great job.
Thanks for entering,
-Dlvvanzor -
Thank you for your entry. You left me in tears. I hope that all is right in your world. GooD luck in the contest.
~Jessi~
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Congrats on the gold and three honorable mention trophies. This was very emotional to read... much of the emotion was because of how you chose to write it as letters. That was beautiful and felt more personal. Thank you for the entry, it was so sad. Good luck.
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this is a very sad poem that you have written. I cried as I read this and I thought about my baby girl that I miscarried. this touched my heart in many ways. thank you for sharing this with me. congratulations on all the trophies. good luck in the contest.
kat
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Hmmm.... I commented this but it seemed to not have worked.... anyways, I said that I liked this poem a lot even though I don't go for freeverse that much, I am getting into it. Good job!
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That was beautiful. Good luck!
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this is a beauiful write
This is extremly abeautiful write and I was touched deeply, However not every mother could read this and feel it was just for her, But I applaud you on a wonderful write!
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A unique write and conversation. Lovely depth of feeling. Good flow and tone. Thanks for sharing.
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Very unique. Definitely got to me, I can barely find words to explain. Thank you so much for entering.
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wow tat is such a diffrent poem to what I have seen you know thanks
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Awww such a heartfelt write. It made me cry. Filled with such sad emotions. Wonderful imagery throughout. Wow a wonderful write. The love between a mother and her child never ends.
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Hi TAWK
thank you for your comments - I traversed your profile. I suspect you will very much enjoy a poem I wrote THE DAY JESUS MET SANTA that is on Allpoetry (http://allpoetry.com/poem/2762096). Jasmine is beautiful and I know that she has endless waves of love crashing over her without pause - you can see it on her happy smiling faces. Thanks to that, and you, she will have the wonderful life she deserves. Best wishes - billpoet
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Thank you so much for sending this to me. I absolutely love it. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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thank you for entering and good luck in the contest with this very powerful write so sorry that personal issues prevented me from reading and commenting sooner
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Wow!
This is a very good poem. Thank you so much for entering it in my contest and good luck!
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Wow... so different from anything else, I love your style, and the last lines were so beautifully tragic and poignant. A stunning write, I loved it, best of luck
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wow...this was amazing...I'm almost crying just from reading this. I had to go and hug my mom just because.
Well done
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weeping...
this piece is so moving, caring, and real. I am left in tears...as each to the other cares so deeply. Ahhh
~Pamela
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Made Me cry
Dear Bill, Thank you for the beautiful reply to my comment. I started crying as I read this most beautiful poem. I have good days and bad days. You were right about your mom. I am sure she had an empty space that no one else could fill. I think of my Brian and tear up because I miss him so. But my writing helps me so much. And so does my faith, family and friends. I am blessed to have a few true friends I can call anytime I am down. I don't like my kids and grandkids to know how sad I feel. I try to hide it from them, like your mom did. Your words were truly so lovely and touched my heart. Bless you. Thank you for telling me about this poem. Sandy
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cool i like it
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