Every time I try, I get turned down
"You're no good" they say to me
Like I'm a mistake...
How the hell do they have the right to judge me.
I may be a mistake, someone never supposed to be in the world,
But I am.
I'm here.
I'm real.
I'm tired of being put down and judged.
I'm tired of everyone calling me names.
Labeling me.
You do NOT know me!
You will NEVER know me,
unless you try.
But you're going about it all the wrong ways.
I'm not as mean as people say I am.
I have a concious.
It speaks to me constantly.
It tells me the wrong I have done.
It tells me what I should have done instead.
No, I shouldn't have dumped that milk on him.
No, I shouldn't have ran out of class.
No, I shouldn't have ran away from home.
I never should have lied.
Tell the truth, it says.
As if that is a possibility.
Truth is make believe.
My parents will not believe my words.
They wouldn't understand the truth.
I hurt.
The pain,
it calls to me... telling me how to stop it.
I cannot.
I am all I can be and these haters at school are not helping.
So let me be.
Let me be me.
Let me be all that I can be.
In a list
A contest entry
- Teenage by Lj-.
300 points, ended May 30, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - difference by The Black Raven.
300 points, ended July 3, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Wrote it for a contest and would really appreciate your thoughts
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Well since I go to the same High School I know exactly what you mean. Popularity is so overrated. All people ever seem to do is judge people based on how they look. I really think they're insecure about themselves. Yeah, I have a ton of problems with getting my dad to understand everything I say. It's annoying how he asks my opinion or my side of the story and then totally disregards it. And as I saw in one of these other comments, they were correcting some mistakes in your writing, I think in line 17 you spelled conscious wrong. not that it hurts the poem any it just looked odd to me!!
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This exceeds the line limit...
Realistic. Lots of feelings.
Thank you for your entry,
Best of luck! -
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i didnt know there was a line limit...sorry.
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im not going to say anythingabout your word joice or your rhymhe scheme or you repitition. the poem actually says something about you, that is if its real. if it is, its awesome. incredible. if its fake then its even better because u almost made me cry.
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This is really good, Rachelle! I like the message and your expert use of words. I did catch one or two things I'd like for you to consider, but it definately did not take away the effect of the poem.
Second line: "You're now good" they say to me
Did you mean, You're NO good ?
Fifth line: The word nevery...did you mean never?
The sentence "I should have never lied" is perfectly all right, but since it caught my attention while I was reading, I just wanted to suggest that you arrange the sentence differently, such as "I never should have lied", or, "I should never have lied"
These are just my personal opinions on how to make this amazing poem a little better. I really like this one because I can relate to it so well. Good job
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OMG
I cannot believe that I never caught the mistakes. Thanks for pointing it out!!!!!!! I also took your advice on the one line... "I never should have lied."
Thanks!
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i like it. very powerful and out there.
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cool i like it
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