Lied to
Fucked with
Dropped down
Hurt me
Crawled back
Stamped on
Wretched
Tampon.
Found it
Lost it
Torn it
Mourn it
Spat out
Brought up
Self pretended
Chewed up
Almost believed it
Smashed up
Dumfounded
Stitched up
Found it
Lost it
Torn it
Mourn it
Too close
Far away
Ripped up
Every day
Mind rent
Spear inside
Self contempt
Hearts suicide
Found it
Lost it
Torn it
Mourn it
Author notes
Title for contest "Torn From Existence"
A contest entry
- Empty and Pain-filled by Fallen Grace.
500 points, ended May 15, 2007, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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normally, Im not into these types of poems...just not my think, you understand...but I happened to like this one. I think the emotion you evoked from each word, as it stood alone in the line spoke volumes about what you are feeling.
congrats on winning the trophy for it, it was well deserved!
s -
Hey man...!!! u r surely a great poet and i luv the amazing write..the imagery is beautiful and strong and is very deep!! it rhymed good too at some places which was the best part..The lyrics make this one of more importance and this one is just amazing.
this is a great job, and i look forward to read more of yours.
God bless,
Love,
-Mansoor -
Hmmm, sounds like a wonderfully perfect romance, or the relationship between a god and its fallen creations (the little ant farm on earth called humanity).
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This here is a very
strange right dear.but the way you described this strange write was fantstic. i honestly see how you won your trophy for this piece. it was a story that was very much so well delivered and this is my most favorite of your piece.Lied to
Fucked with
Dropped down
Hurt me
Crawled back
Stamped on
Wretched
Tampon.
i hope to read more from you soon ill go review your profile. hugs -
Wow. I'm pretty much at a loss for words.
Okay, great job, I really liked the rhythem this poem held when I read it. I also enjoyed the rhyming, it is brilliant.
"Self pretended
Chewed up
Almost believed it
Smashed up
Dumfounded
Stiched up"
I also like how you repeated
"Found it
Lost it
Torn it
Mourn it"
That made the poem really move. It worked well with the title.
Thank you for entering my contest, Good luck!
~:~Kaela~:~ -
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thanks for the comment and for the bronze trophy
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Aargh!
Well, if I didn't know your atheist tendencies, I'd say this scared the sweet bejesus out of me! Really. Dark indeed, and very, very affecting. Brilliant rhythm though and a great choice of word and phrase. Can I come out from behind the sofa now? Please?
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Not sure what to say. This, to me, sounded like what has been done to my heart (mostly by the same person too many times) over and over again. But we live and learn and move on.
Great piece and glad to see a new one.
Hugs, Vampy
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