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Rain in the Forest

Rain stains your breath,

Smelling warmth, coming from heated granite,

Clouds promise more.

 

In the wood, the trees are waiting
For lightening to strike-

And skies are promising more.


Grey as they come, strong rain falling,

Dripping, devouring everything in sight

With eternal wetness.

 

Yesterday didn't rain-
Today won't stop,

Yesterday, you prayed for it-

 

Don't change your mind,

Weather listens to no man,

It's already breaking into raindrops.

 

Tomorrow, the forest could be washed away,

It has been weathered, but has wisened,
Growing stronger with each storm.

 

Storm is leading the forest

Into premature night. I think we should share it,

Go to bed, premature, unwilling to sleep.

 

And raindrops beating outside,

Battling trees, landscape, doing their best

Not to fall, to rise in its richness.

 

Rain will never die-

It's too cyclical, passion

Has its own cycles. Come, let's enjoy this storm.

Author notes

Group A

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • malkinpuss
    May 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Lovely

    The power of this lovely poem is diminished by too many extraneous words that do not support imagery eg. words like: it, the, that, from to ... those are words of prose...factual words used in daily writing. You need to learn to avoid those words as much as possible to bring your imagery to the forefront and bone up on your grammer enough to know if you are in the present, past or future tense because that helps a poet get rid of those extraneous words eg.

    "The rain stains your breath,

    Smell its warmth, coming from heated granite,

    And the clouds are promising more.


    In the wood, the trees are waiting
    For the lightening to strike-

    And the skies are promising more."

    compare:

    Rain stains your breath

    Smelling warmth coming from heated granite

    clouds promise more


    In the woods trees are waiting

    For lightening to strike -

    And skies promise more

    just a quick example to get my point across.

    If you read poetry by the masters you will immediately notice each word says a paragraph through imagery.




  • HaleyMary
    May 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write. I love the part of rain never dying. It makes me think that without rain all the things that make this world beautiful wouldn't be here and without rain we wouldn't have life. Good luck in the contest.


  • deep space
    May 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    rain is awesome, it is essential to our survival,i like you imagery that is created here,there is nothing better than walking in the rain through a mature forest