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Allemande Sway

 

 

Warm milk and nutmeg
swathe around her feet
in an allemande sway.

Her fingers;
they count the curls
and flicks of silken toes,
giving marks out of ten -

fourteen; for novelty,

with enough pretension
to humble the ocean.

 

Author notes

"Oh how one must love oneself!" Haha arrogant twats.
Anyway...thanks for reading etc.

Ok for those who don't know - "allemande" is a type of dance. If you want to know more, look it up!

Does no one understand it? Really? The opening line in these notes is a clue!!
If you understand it, let me know!

In a list

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • TexasMomma
    May 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very nice writing skills,I love your decription of things in this wonderful and different piece! kepp up the good work!


  • duana
    May 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    hm I agree with the reader that said it sounds like you are describing a cat. That is a perfect interpretation. If this is supposed to be describing a vain person in a sarcastic way, I don't quite get that. But I thought the phrasing in this was very beautiful.


  • MOvIng iN StERiO
    May 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i understood it. i like it a lot. it's a beautiful piece. keep it up


  • Elrenia
    May 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely done. Sarcastic? I did not find it so. It is too true of some. However, that is not what I gleaned from this at first reading: it reminds me of a cat. The warm mild swathing around feet, silken toes with fourteen as the odd number, and for confidence and aloofness, can you beat a cat?

    Well written and I cannot find anything negative to say (which some may disbelieve).

    Thank you for sharing.

    rous


  • J L Whalen
    May 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Great!!

    I've been reading a bit of your work, you have quite the way with words.

    This particular one might well be my favorite of the lot, but then again...

    As for the whole understanding thing, I think it would be much clearer if it were written in the third person rather than the first, as it isn't something that one would think of themselves (especially the ending.) Also, three of the last five lines begin with the word "and".

    "Warm milk and nutmeg
    swathe around her feet
    in an allemande sway.

    Her fingers;
    counting the curls
    and flicks of silken toes,
    giving marks out of ten -

    fourteen; for novelty,

    with enough pretension
    to humble the ocean."

    Only a suggestion of course, and about the only thing that I would consider changing about this poem.


  • leander Moderators member
    May 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It's amazing how your muse keeps on feeding the readers of your work with absolute brilliance


  • deep space
    May 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    not sure what allemande is,but you certainly enjoyed your footbath.

1 - 8 of 8