It didn't last long,
Just a moment or two,
But it seemed like an eternity
When I was with you.
We didn't talk much,
Only once or twice,
But it was one of the times
When words did not suffice.
I didn't see you much,
Only once, it's true,
But I couldn't keep the feeling
That I was in love with you.
I didn't know you much,
But I will live in paradise
Knowing you loved me at that second
When our words did not suffice.
Author notes
In answer to Option 5.. I hope it's all right?
A contest entry
- 6 options for everyone!! by i love teddybears.
450 points, ended June 23, 2007, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Is this better? I don't know. I don't know how to fix it!
Comments
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oo
this poem? loved it.
the rhymes and the theme may be cliche, but we all feel it so ROCK ON~
as "dancing Chicky" said (i love teddybears) the first two stanzas flowed the best. really catchy.
the third one could you a little word rearranging to make it flow as smoothly as the first two stanzas. that's the most important. to keep your poem on a same rhythm and beat as a whole. try reading it out loud. maybe you can spot which word will sound better where.
(ps, the only reason why i sound so formal is because someone told me the same thing a few days ago
)
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these lines really flowed well
It didn't last long,
Just a moment or two,
But it seemed like an eternity
When I was with you.
I didn't see you very much,
Only once, it's true,
But I couldn't keep the feeling
That I was in love with you.
i really like the poem and thanks for your entry!!
the last lines are a little off...if your thinking on changing it please inform me when you do thanks!!
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