I Never Understood

You see a flash
As I run away
Around a corner
You follow
To see who I am
I am nowhere to be found

You hear a laugh
And then see a mocking smile
A flash of wild eyes
And then nothing again
We do this floating dreaming dance
All because you want to understand

I come behind and poke you
And hide nearby
You look around
And spot a tiny bit of me
You see if you can get me
To come out of hiding

I look out
You look into my staring eyes
Neither look away
I come out a bit
And you poke me
I laugh freely-and poke back

We flirt
We have our fun
We play this game
Until we wonder
Is there something more
Something behind this facade of fun

Someday I feel bad
Don't want to live
Don't want to know that people exist
So I hide
I fall into one of my black holes
And you stand on the edge

For whatever reasoning
You seem to think it wise
To follow me
To this dark despairing place
I am always confused
I don't know what to do

You find me
Curled up in a cave
Against the wall
Staring at all the cracks and crevices
Wondering what monsters
Hide behind them and my eyes

You ask
You will always ask
For once I will answer
I will tell you
Of my monsters
Of the demons I own

They follow my path always
They have for awhile
They have a dark hold on my soul
They turn me against myself
However they are my closest companions
And I do not trade them for friendlier

I have told you their names
You have understood them
And comforted me when it seemed I needed it
But now I'm more confused
My demons and angels fight
And I have no one to turn to

So here I am
Without a heart
And only bitter sarcasm
But still you follow
That flash, the wild smile
I never understood why