I am in line to be gassed. With muted voice,
the resident fascists converse on such matters
as Aryans and imprisoning yellow stars. The
same yellow star that has so often spelled
out my doom. I am ensared in this Venus Flytrap,
marked as imperfect for the whole world to
know my shame. You are the one that has
put me in this situation to begin with, and I
am fated to be pinched eternally between
the thumb and forefinger of your Nazi superego.
You are all fattening me on your lies, so
that by the time it is my turn to be slaughtered,
there will be enough of me to go around.
You will need a souvenir, so as to remember
all the sights you've seen perfectly.
There is always today, and maybe tomorrow.
Today, I am in line to be gassed.
Today, I graze in barren pastures and
wallow in my own stench. I have become accustomed
to having to compete for my food, accustomed to
gorging on the lies until I'm fit to eat.
I've nothing more to offer in life than this,
nothing more to do than to stand her,
like a cow being fattened for the slaughter.
I always have tomorrow. I have spent
my whole life eagerly awaiting the
advent of tomorrow. Now, my whole body
tingles with the expectation. It will
not be much longer before I am free
of this position- between the thumb
and forefinger of your Nazi super ego.
Tomorrow will see the fascists regime overthrown.
There will always be tomorrow.
Author notes
Rewrite to Fascist...I think it's a wee bit better...still not quite where I want it to be, but I think it's getting there...
A contest entry
- Ages 13 and under ONLY --- Prewrite Heaven 2 by Amunet Wolfbane.
300 points, ended May 23, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is very impressive.
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You have some incredible lines used in this piece and they create some wonderful images in the mind. Your talent is seen clearly within your words pasted upon this page. Bravo! Thank you entering and good luck!
Blessings
celticmoon
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I actually *eee hate to say it* like the first version better. Especially because of the first version's lines like "Fascists talk of things beyond my understanding./The sky will fall, be it today or tomorrow,/and we will all be swallowed. But no, I am/regarded as a madwoman", which I thought were amazing, especially the madwoman part.
Still a little wordy for my taste, yet you still write as compelling and amazingly as ever. Keep up the amazing work! Try to compress it as much as possible without taking away the vivid images and descriptive language (very hard to do, I understand).
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