The burning passion of your breath
Was hot against my exposed body
Your hands caressed every inch of me
Leaving no place unfelt, untouched
The sweetness of your kiss
Was like a drug
Leaving me light-headed
And making me want even more
You became my addiction
I could feel us intertwining
Not sure if you were me
Or if I were you
Gentle and fast
Reckless and slow
A divine combination of intense pleasure
And pleasing pain
Just you
Just me
Just us
Author notes
Omgosh, i wrote a rudie! I soo need your opinion on this one.
A contest entry
- 3rd and final round Poetic X Factor!!!!! by Laura.
1000 points, ended May 14, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Simply beautiful. Elegant, well-worded, and clean. Not jumbled, rushed, or cluttered with bad grammar. Many good poems have been ruined with one letter typed out of place...and it spoils the effect.
This is very erotic, to me, as it stimulates the mind and leaves more to the imagination. Breath of fresh air. I'm off to comment on a few more, but I believe this one will stick with me a while.
I appreciate your entry, and good luck in the contest. -
that was reallly goood! great job
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i had the same reaction as many others listed below...i thought...what the hay is a rudie? so i came to read it to find out. Erotic? heck nope...this is not erotic to me, it is however, a sensual style that does get straight to the point. Erotic to me would have to have listed in detail the touching the carresses, mention of body parts explicitavely and very pornographic. This is not pornographic even thought it does lead the readers imagination to see it that way. I did enjoy this nevertheless. I wonder if you can patent the tag RUDIE. Definition...sensually erotic poetry, not quite pornography in detail, but leaves the reader with a pronographic image. HMMMM????
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Good job with this. It is a very emotional piece and you did an exelent job with it. Keep it up.
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normally im not interested in this type of poetry, but I think that even though this was a "rudie" or adult type poem, you wrote it with more of a poetic and emotional tone than are most adult poetry. well done! im glad you asked for an opinion on it because i wouldnt have seen it otherwise
-Deminishing
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awww. love it! especially the idoms or whatever they are of the 'gentle and fast' 'reckless and slow'
could almost picture this, great write =]
~WU
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ohhhhhhhhh this is lovely very well done to you indeed on writing such a wonderful erotic poem xxxx
laura xxx -
its pretty good
im not gonna be a fake and say that it was perfect but the imagery in it was good and gave me an awsome picture to imagine about... yeah that just sounded perverded but you know what i mean. good job
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I love the cute name you gave it! rudie!!! that's adorable!! but it's a great one!! very sensual and kind of like oh no I didn't write this I'm a good
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Erotic without being up in your face
I like the second line, "exposed body". It could almost be argued that that is redundant, but I think it speaks to almost a first time innocence.
To tie into Kuisha's suggestion, perhaps changing
"And making me want you even more"
to
"And making me want even more"...
You said "your kiss", which anchors the other character, so I feel the second use of "you" isn't necessary.
But, I look for an economy of words....don't pay any attention to me.
Congrats on your first "rudie"....I laughed, 'cause I've never heard it called that before.
Nice write.
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Thanks. 'Rudie' is cos I'm little and Catholic and have no 'experience'. This is what a Christian all girls Convent School does to you!
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wow! Short, but hott!!!! And i love the ending! You've taken a lust and descibed it, in a way that creates a beautiful peice. wonderful job!
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wowwwwwwww this's lovely,hottt,full of lust,it touched me,thoough never been touched,it transferes z heat to z reader along with z love n romance,great write,
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I like this. I like the way this transcends a single 'meeting' and refers to every 'meeting' by saying 'you became my addiction'. I like how you refer to actions without putting them into order or giving a play by play. I like your simple wording. I might make a separate stanza out of 'You became my addiction'. I would say 'was like a drug' rather than 'some kind of drug'. I like the ending. Good luck in the contest.
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