I once was a man, I had a great life,
family, friends,and a beautiful wife.
A wonderful job, I drove a great car,
but all of that ended, one night in a bar.
It was in the stupor of my drunken stage,
I said some wrong things,and caused him to rage.
He was my best friend, but I was his wife's....
he took it quite badly, then took out his knife.
I awoke the next day to a seemingly dream,
but only heard echo's of my thunderous scream.
Then a glorious voice, spoke unto me,
"this your plight, now a tree you will be".
Of all the dilemma's, I'd ever faced,
this was the worst, I needed some space.
I tried to step left, then to the right,
but my feet now were planted upright and tight.
I've been dwelling here, for quite a few years,
in a land of beauty and mockingbird cheers.
I've made lots of friends, as I did in life,
and right now I'm bedding the mockingbirds wife.
Author notes
This is an oldie, but by far, one of my favorites, however, it's only ever won hm and Raven qualifier,yet I've always felt it worthy of gold
In a list
A contest entry
- Raven Qualifier - General: Free Verse, Rhyme and Everything Else by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 140 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me Laugh! by Blue Spirit.
550 points, ended February 13, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn your Green to Gold! by BabyBun.
500 points, ended March 14, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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very good
wow!!!
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Good work - all the best in my contest
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hehehe. nice piece. i love the rhyme. good luck
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WOW..This is really a cute and entertaining piece my friend. I enjoyed this alot. I had no idea where it was leading until you got to the end with your humorous last line. Great rhyme and flow as well. It all worked well for me.
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i love the rhyming in this! amazing poem, really! great job. it has a really great message. :]
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thank you for your wonderful comments and applauds
sincerely,
Sassy
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ur welcome!
this is an amzing poem!
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Thank you,
this is personally, one of my favorites..my attempt at writing a lesson in life meaning that what we do and stand for in life will follow over into the hereafter, thanks for your lovely comments.
Sincerely,
Sassy
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Hmmmmmm....
OK, OK... You got me. I was all frowned up trying to follow along. You're right about you: You have 'poetry's song'. I enjoyed this write; my imagination you did incite. This is good and entertaining. Very impressive to me. Thanks a lot for this journey. A tree, huh? lol. Good job. Good imagery.
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What a write
You have a huge imagination and wrote this very well
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thank you
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I really didn't see the ending coming... lol. I think you did a great job executing a concept with this piece. The picture is a great companion.
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Thanks for the entry, but it's not quite what we were looking for. If you would like further explanation, please send me a private message and a link to the poem and I will be glad to discuss it with you.
Elizabeth -
Thanks for taking my comments on board. I think you have made some good improvements to this piece of work. Good luck
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This poem is a light and humorous piece from the onset, which I personally like very much for many reasons, the first being that it made me smile from the first stanza to the last. Written ballad style, I feel this piece of work is a small jewel that I’ve discovered from under a pile of old, dead wood. For me, its beauty lies in its simplicity, directness, uncluttered language and the twist in the moral, which is evident in the last stanza. (It was nice to see some author notes to explain the moral but I don’t they are entirely necessary, though others may find them useful)
I can’t find fault with the rhyme in this piece because although the words are of common usage they trip off the tongue so well, and sometimes the use of conventional language complements the style of the poem. I feel this is the case for this work.
On reading this poem out loud, I found the flow to be a little out in some areas, particularly when comparing the first stanza with the others but I think with a little reworking it could be improved upon.
The visuals created are placed instantly into the imagination and for a short and energetic poem such as this I think they work exceptionally well to bring this piece of work to life.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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haha wow thats kool, kinda weird how he turned into a tree, but i like it. rhymed, flowed heck it was amazing. keep it up that was great!
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What? hummmm this is a great write and I love the flow, but it was off a little. Maybe thats why I like it. Well done. And good luck.
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Very Night Gallery!
Don't know if you remember that show but this could very well be on that. Loved the story. The rhyme was good, the flow was good as well. Good job, good luck. -
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No, I've never heard of the show. Glad you liked this little story, it's one of my favorites at the moment. Thanks for your review
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When I started reading this story I thought it's going to be just another of those stories that you hear starting like the first stanza on this one... But then I kept reading forward and I was amazed how the story evolved. Towards the ending, by each stanza, the emotions and the depth just grow deeper and that's a wonderful thing in poetry I think. The only really bothering thing in it was the first stanza, as the beginning has been used so many times already... But other than that this is a marvelous poem and definately one of my favorites around here
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Thank You,
for your wonderful review of the Mockingbird's Wife.
As for the beginning, this was written on picture inspiration, the picture being the one on the page of course, and this is what came to mind..
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At first, I thought this was going to be quite generic, but you sorely proved me wrong! I love the twist you've thrown in-it was quite hilarious!
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Thank you for your contest submission as well as for following the rules. Well this is certainly a cute story and the touch of hunor was charming. I do think that considering this a metaphorical piece is a bit of a stretch, but perhaps that is just me. I did enjoy most of the rhyme, although the tempo is a tad off in a few places.
Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. 
Hetohke'e 
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A Bit Of A Stretch...
A parable is an Extended Metaphor told as an anecdote to illustrate or teach a moral lesson (Wikipedia)
Thank you for your comments, however, I have removed my entry from your contest...so you don't have to stretch your mind to ponder it any longer
sincerely,
sassy
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please read rules again. a new one has been added.
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Rhyme and meter ar spot on. Tells a nice parable of a story, and has the added appeal of a hilarious last line. Worthy of accolade.
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Thank You!
I am honoured to have such a wonderful review from you, one of my favorites and most read poets!
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A Tall Tale indeed!
Loved the quirkiness and whimsical nature of your work - taking quite a moral issue and showing the possible outcome in a mockingbird way!
Thanks for the great entry - very enjoyable!
Good Luck!
Tang
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WoW
very well written, I got ChIlLs!!
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wow i love this theres something about the way it flow
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SOFTLY CHUCKLING
I ENJOYED READING THIS IF YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA
YOUR POEM FITS PERFECTLY WITH THAT PHILOSOPHY WHAT YOU SEW IN THIS LIFE COMES BACK TO HAUNT YOU IN THE NEXT IF YOU WERE BAD YOU COME BACK AS A BUG
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interesting
i think you are right in the sense that we will keep on with our morals and values in life..into the afterlife. well written and beautifully at that. i hope to read more of your writes. well done!! -Sable-
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Incredibly unique story. I really like it, especially the ending This makes you think, which is a good thing. Nice write.
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Very interesting piece. Unique story, for sure. I did see one typo though: in the last paragraph, third line, "lot's" should be "lots," I do believe.
This is definitely a piece to set you thinking --- in a good way. Though the story you're telling is terrible . But I suppose it's a "don't do this" situtation... Anyway, good luck in the contest!
~ Wild -
This was awesome, the best poem I think you have. Write more like this and you will be on your way to stardom!
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Stardom!
Oh my, you have me blushing now. (and not without vanity) I say...I too, think this is my best work yet. I only hope that whatever kinetic enery stimulated those few burst of creative brain cells, will keep the forces coming, lol. Thanks again for your most marvelous review!
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This simply ROCKs, or Sways
This is my favorite by far... You've outdone yourself yet again!!! I love this poem... I stand and I cheer... You sooo ROCK! It was a FUN read... and I couldn't wait to seee what was to come!
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Rocks or Sways, lol
thanks again for your rave review, this too is my favorite, I sooo love your inspiration!
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good verse
"I've been dwelling here, for quite a few years,
In a land of beauty and mockingbird cheers.
I've made lot's of friends, as I did in life,
and right now I'm bedding the mockingbirds wife."
a good verse with a repition of passion towards some body effectively described
good verse
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lol this is wonderful and funny little fantasy. I think it would be interesting to know what we'd live our life as after we depart this one, if our actions were to be echoed in it. Being a tree might not be such a bad thing.
You've managed to write this poem using good rhyme and a snappy jog along flow that makes it easy to read. The little twist at the end is a wonderful conclusion to the whole piece and I enjoyed reading it very much.
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Thank You
As this is one of my new favorite's, and I think it will eventually be one of my old favorite's.
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Such a unique take on this picture, made me grin a bit at the end. Naughty tree and the mockingbird's wife! Good luck and thanks for entering the contest!
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