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Critical Reflection

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Critical Reflection  . .

 

When I look at you, what should I see ?

Are you really what you wish to be ?

Are you famous, or like me . . unknown?

Do you live a life that you don’t condone

 

Are you content being where you are ?

Is the door of opportunity . . still ajar?

Or are your goals . . still out of sight

Are your probabilities . . not that bright?

 

When I look at you . . what should I see

A contented poet . . or are you like me

For I ponder my poems with little pride

And am very rarely satisfied

   

Albert Gazeley © May 2007

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1 - 10 of 10

  • Ellis gold member
    December 4, 2007

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    EXCELLENT

    Well said/written. Clear and meaningful with nice rhyme.
    darragh corrigan (below)is completely wrong in my opinion. Wrong about everything he wrote. People who can't rhyme write things like that.
    --------------


  • Janice M Pickett
    June 2, 2007

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    Now this fits beautifully

    I would love to submit this poem for the book if I may.
    It is the right style and has the correct amount of lines. It is also very well written (as you know) LOL
    HUGS
    Jan

  • darragh corrigan
    May 14, 2007

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    Slightly awkward

    I can kind of see where your going with this, but that rhyming scheme has completely polluted your meaning. You ahve completely contrived each line to rhyme with the last, and it seems you have damned yourself to go around in circles because of it.
    Im not insulting you, I just feel that this poem needs a rewrite. I would suggest that you write out what you want to say, arrange it, then and only then, should you try and find the words to express it. Otherwise you get too concerned with rhyming.
    After this, if you arent happy then you could try a trick that i really like. What you do is, take the lines that rhyme like AABB and switch the fourth and second, so it goes ABAB, or even the third and fourth so its ABBA.(not like the band)! Either that or you could try rearranging the verses, to give it less of a linear feel.
    To be honest, I think the real problem here is that you tried to write from a random picture. There is no real emotion in this poem, and it shows. Dont try and inject emotion, it doesnt work. I feel that it is better to only write a poem about something you really feel, and only write maybe one a month; than to write one every week about something you couldn't care less about.


    • agazeley gold member
      May 15, 2007
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      Thank for your comments . .


      Thank you for your interesting comment . . and I fully appreciate what you are saying, but sadly I am not really a poet in your true sense. I am a retired businessman that writes for fun . . usually three of four poems a day – this poem is a bit like doing the morning crossword whilst I have my coffee.

      I do of course write some serious poetry relating to politics, religion, and current affaires which I take more time over – but again it is in a random folkpoetry style, I also enter the occasional contest.

      Thanks for taking the time to comment, and I will think over what you say - but I am an old dog and new tricks are far beyound my ability LOL . .

      Albert.


  • Trueheartforlife
    May 14, 2007
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    Great

    This was a great poem and had a lot of depth. My favorite part was:

    Are you content being where you are ?

    Is the door of opportunity . . still ajar?

    Or are your goals . . still out of sight

    Are your probabilities . . not that bright?


    Nice rhyming with pretty good flow. Very good job and best of luck in your writing future.


  • paullallady silver member
    May 13, 2007

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    This poem holds a lot of depth. For it is human nature to wonder what others are really like. And also human nature to question our own selves. In this you are using both of these questions. I really enjoyed this a lot. great job.


  • storiesuntold gold member
    May 13, 2007

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    Most interesting question

    I guess I could say I am very satisfied with my work and so many I see on alpoetry are very proud to. A great poem here it makes onself look within and see just where they are in their place in this world


  • duana
    May 13, 2007

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    For I ponder my poems with little pride

    And am very rarely satisfied

    wow- that's me to a T, lol.

    This is a great poem- it made me feel like I was looking in the mirror of myself, asking me my own questions at the same time you were asking yours. Nice job. It is a poem with a very unique quality- I would even almost call it magical - something you would find it Lewis Carrol's books, or CS Lewis's children stories. Very well written for all all ages.


  • Hetha gold member
    May 13, 2007
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    Spot on

    I like this one, for it forces us to examine, not just ourselves, but what our critiques and judgements of others as well. I was once told, that our thoughts of others are a personal mirror. This illustrates this bit of advice quite well. We are our own worst critic, that's for sure. Bravo, great read!


  • Swan song gold member
    May 13, 2007
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    that is a nice write Well put together. Poets are never satisfied

1 - 10 of 10