Please be mine
your eyes sparkle like diamonds
your hair is so silky smooth
your lips taste sweeter than honey
From the moment I first saw you
my heart went all a-flutter
my senses all were heightened
Please say you felt it too
that moment when your hand found mine
I was lost in a sea of deep emotion
but when our lips met too
I felt as if heaven had descended
and wrapped me in it's magic shawl
So Please say that you will be mine
Author notes
Good luck all
A contest entry
- Make Me Love You! by KissMeGoodnight.
425 points, ended May 13, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write a poem to be read at my wedding. by tinuelena.
900 points, ended September 23, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Cliche: expressions that are often-used, things that have become commonplace.
'sweeter than honey,' 'heart went all a-flutter...' things like that.
I was looking for groundbreaking imagery. Not high-school expressions like 'I was lost in a sea of deep emotion.' Boring.
And by the way, I didn't promise comments on every poem. That's not in the rules. I'm a busy person and I don't have time to write comments on every poem.
Plus, I was entirely disappointed in the entries I received and I didn't feel like dealing with people who can't face facts and take criticism.
But thanks for your entry.
Elizabeth
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how do u mean cliche?
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this is so sweet and loving, i hope i can feel that about someone one day hehehe well done.
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thanks for comments
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Beautiful write with lots of emotion. I liked the part of the heart being all a flutter the best. It makes me think of how I feel sometimes when I'm around someone who makes me feel different which actually is quite rare for me these days. Anyway, great write. Good luck in the contest.
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awww this is sooo sweet! a little cliche' but i like it!
thanks for entering
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