Ten seconds, surreal, as I saw worlds away
with the blinker clicking on
off
and on again, waiting for the light to turn
with its sound so loud in the silent car
And tonight is dark, the sky hidden with no stars
at least not here, under the gaudy yellow glow of streetlights
waiting for the signal to go
And I, I fear the night
for what it so often does to you
and all the ways I can’t seem to see this through
as the blinker clicks on
off
and on again
green light, left turn, and I’m another fifteen miles away
but, my dear, I’m still terribly afraid
A contest entry
- Best Poem(s) You Have Ever Wrote by NickelleteXninja.
550 points, ended June 15, 2007, 140 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Experience That Changed You by loveyourfate.
900 points, ended December 30, 2007, 25 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Driving (prewrites welcome) by Danna Hobart.
490 points, ended January 13, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Afraid of what?
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the poem tells what its writer fears...only look.
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Very interesting write. Can you tell me how, in your mind, that this is a Mystical Moment?
I liked how you added that the sound is so loud while in the car which is silent when there is only you and no radio on. I know, I pick the weird parts from poems but that just struck me since I saw that in my head while reading this.
Great job and good luck,
Vampi
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I suppose, first, I would need you to define a mystical moment.
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That is what you were supposed to do.
If you were to write a poem called, Mystical Moments what would you write?
3. If you could, please add a note of what makes it Mystical to you.
So, to you, how is it Mystical. -
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then, I suppose, this poem would be my definition of mystic. Surreal, with a feeling of a world far bigger than what we see contained in our hearts. That, I think, is the human mystic.
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Very nicely said and I like what you see in this piece.
Hugs,
Vampi
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Thanks for your entry. An interesting write. I liked the contrasts in some lines and the second repetition of the blinker clicking (just right) . Lovely poem!
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very differnt in every aspect..... thanks for entering such a completely different poem
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Your telling me!
You gotta get outta my head... read my latest poem to understand!
Ten seconds, surreal, as I saw worlds away
with the blinker clicking on
off
and on again, waiting for the light to turn
with its sound so loud in the silent car
I liked the reality of the moment. Sometimes, that is all that matters, just making it through that moment. When everything else has gone wrong, that is all there is, just... surviving. -
a good piece of poetry here, an atmopshere of heavy time while waiting. perhaps think on removing the author notes? personally i think such notes remove the mind from the poem just read by giving extra thoughts and explaining the poem where if they were not there the reader would still be floating inside the poem and thinking on the words structured.
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