I am seeing stars in daytime
All the shadows have a *gleam*
I can't believe I'm living here
[[Inside my lifelong dream]]
I lay there in the field
That the colored light -adorns-
With the bright vermilion roses
And they have no piercing thorns
My once-breathing death-wish
Turned to ((water)) on the ground
Now I have forsaken it
[It
never
will
be
found]
Stop and stare, inhale the air
(So glorious and pure)
I've gone somewhere, without despair
(I'm staying here for sure)
Does this mean I fly with angels,
Through the cloudy skies of b l u e ?
Is it okay to dwell on daydreams...
When I know
they won't come true?
Author notes
May 12, 2007.... This is my first shot at an immitation poem... Where the letters are arranged to give the poem more of an affect... This is about how I feel all the time... I just want to sleep 24/7... Because when you're dreaming, everything is beautiful and you can escape from life.
A contest entry
- i want dirty pretty by sparkle.star.
700 points, ended May 16, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dirty Pretty Pre-Writes or new... by One Eunique Pixie.
380 points, ended May 21, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥ Rip My Heart Out [&&] Give It To Her ♥ Drop Dead; Gorgeous ♥ by Flutterby--x.
300 points, ended May 28, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Amazing Dirty Pretty (prewrites allowed) by KittieLyyn.
360 points, ended May 27, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything Dirty Pretty; Options Available and Prewrites!!! by Midnight-x-Rose.
375 points, ended June 8, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~*~All Your Dirty Pretty Comes Here~*~ by Midnight-x-Rose.
625 points, ended April 20, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Candy Coated Lies by BeautifulDisaster9.
525 points, ended July 12, 2007, 16 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥ So What If I Sing Into My † Hairbrush † [[DP allowed!]]♥ by LetsBeJack-n-Sally.
480 points, ended July 14, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What is Dirty Pretty? by Madison Mary.
300 points, ended July 20, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥Sailor Moon, Lacuna Coil, Dirty Pretty AND Anything Else! ♥ by Flutterby--x.
300 points, ended July 28, 2007, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Calling All Dirty Pretty Dollies- I Need An Ap Family by Heartbeatsxfading.
300 points, ended August 2, 2007, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dirty Pretty by Lj-.
420 points, ended August 2, 2007, 27 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dirty Pretty Contest by Innocent Evil.
700 points, ended January 5, 36 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Very nice write... I loved these lines:
My once-breathing death-wish
Turned to ((water)) on the ground
Very very amazing! Keep up the work!
Holly
:Havok
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great job!! wonderful, its my dream to write this good!
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Great job! This is an amazing poem! The rhyme scheme worked out great, and the effects add, not take away from the overall piece. The message is good, and you portrayed it in a way that it wasn't lost within the rhyming and layout. Very nice!
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Absolutely loved the ending. Gorgeous write and thanks for entering. ♥
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I'm always forgetting my [n't] when I write
and your use of brackets there exemplifies the dichotomy of both the positive and negative statements
The * add the sparkle of the gleam
The - stitch the adorn though I might have used a different character
[[enclose dreams]]
(( ripple the watter))
use of these sets on phases
&nbps; correlate to the reference objects -
This poem is simply amazing, your rhyming is great. Your poem really spoke to me. I loved it. good job.
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You handle rhyme well--unobtrusively but to good effect; the combination of internal and end rhyme in the "stop and stare" stanza is particularly nice.
Line arrangements work well also. They highlight specific words or images, pacing the poem as needed, forcing us to pay attention at critical moments...while the continuing rhyme holds the poem together. Well done. -
I liked the rhyme a lot.
Line five:
"lay" should be "lie"
Thank you for your entry,
Good luck. -
Finally! Some actual good (understatement, amazing) dirtypretty poetry, this is somewhat excellent, I loved every line, how you set it out and how you didn't overload it with punctuation and "glam" words. Well deserved gold I have to say. Loved it ^^ x keep it up xtake carex
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wow darling;; this poem was simply breathtaking. the rhyme flowed so smoothly, and none of it seemed forced. the ending was a fantastic was the finish painting a picture for this poem. Just wow, I keep reading it over and over..and Ahh! it put a huge smile on my face
good luck with all your contests dolly.
-
"Turned to ((water)) on the ground
Now I have forsaken it
[It
never
will
be
found]"
What can I say?
Finalist.x. -
I lay there in the field
That the colored light -adorns-
With the bright vermilion roses
And they have no piercing thorns
wow, powerful! a few spelling errors, but other than that, great write. thanks for entering.
-lovesong -
I really love this write. It's worded wonderfully and well written. Thanks for entering.
[great.job&take.care]
x.
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Wow.
This is amazing. Seriously. Nice write!
Good luck and thanks for entering.
<3BD9 -
It's a bit like a quote of mine that I wrote, which goes a little something [or everything] like this:
I'd rather dream forever, than live in a perminant state of insanity [sorry, I meant reality].
x That's my little phrase anyway, which is kinda sad but what the hell! I think the same sometimes though and it drives my family crazy, but I think my medication effects it. -
I LOVE THIS! its so good I couldn't stop reading it...
bookmarking...
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I agree with you... Plenty of the time I just want to sleep as dreams are safer and better than the crap reality that surrounds us. In my dreams I can be loved, in my dreams I can have better sight... In my dreams I can feel true compassion, no fear and just love the world that surrounds me (even though it isn't real... Sometimes I actually know the dream isn't real as it's so good, just shows how depressive my life is). ♥
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lovely
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first shot at immitation...well great job. You really pulled it off I think. I loved this poem. I notice you've got a couple honorable mentions for it. Congrats! Great ending for the poem too.
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Love The Third Stanza.
Liked This Alot.
Well Done&& Good Luck Cutie,
Mwah
Have An Applause!
x
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This is a nice write and it has a subtle amount of "Dirty Pretty" in it. I like that. It is not over-done. Thanks for sharing. Love and Peace, Charlene.
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"I am seeing stars in daytime
All the shadows have a gleam
I can't beleive I'm living here
[Inside my lifelong dream]"
^ Excellent lines there.
Overall, I'd say this is a pretty damn good poem. The rhyme got a little overpowering towards the end, but other than that I enjoyed this.
-Allura
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maybe someday they could come true.
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"I am seeing stars in daytime
All the shadows have a gleam
I can't beleive I'm living here
[Inside my lifelong dream]"
and the last line
made it great!!!
this pome reminds me of
the dr. suess quote i have on my page
good job!
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Its a more subtle use of the dirty pretty theme, && it works for this.
You've told a story quite well. :]
Goodluck bbydoll--
animated ♥ -
aww this is beautiful!
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wow this is awesome good luck
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awesome...i like this. i like the thought behind it. i like the way it sounds and i like the way you wrote it. thanks for entering.!
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I know how it feels to only want to sleep because you can dream that your life is exactly how you want it to be, and you can escape the way you really feel for a while....I have to say, very nicely done
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