Squeaky Ball Rules by Yup Yup, Logan, and Tasha

Squeaky Ball is a game that was invented by Logan, a 5-year old pit bull mix, Tasha, a 3-year old Siberian Husky, and Yup Yup, a 1 1/2 Timber wolf hybrid, who was born on July 13th.

In order to play Squeaky Ball, you need 5 participants and three tennis balls that squeak when you chew or squeeze them. You also need a referee or a moderator which could be your mother or father. The referee will throw the squeaky balls into the field of play. There are two objectives in Squeaky Ball: the first of which is to keep all the balls away from the referee; the second and most important is to gather all the Squeaky Balls. Once you have gathered all of the Squeaky Balls, you can declare victory or choose to tear the squeaky balls into a million little pieces.

There are other stipulations as well: For instance, our daddy owns a giant Chevy suburban. The back of this suburban is considered to be safe, or home base as humans would call it in Tag. If you enter the suburban with a Squeaky Ball, it cannot be taken from you until you leave the suburban. However, if you leave the squeaky ball unattended due to a neighboring dog, cat, squirrel, or bird, the Squeaky Ball becomes free again. Two out of the five players are decoys. They have no interest in getting a Squeaky Ball. In fact, they prefer to bark at neighboring dogs and roll in the grass. No one knows this except for the referee. You could also call a time-out like humans do in Tag. But, a time out can only be taken if you intend to consume your own feces or the feces of another player -- not a decoy. The Squeaky Balls you have will be safe while consumption of the feces takes place. This is called Coprophagia. The time out cannot exceed more than 5 minutes. Urinating on the Squeaky Balls to dissuade other members of the game from grabbing the balls is frowned upon.

Once you have gathered all three of the Squeaky Balls, the referee will remove them from your possession and declare victory unless you rip them to shreds prior to the referee retrieving them from you.

WARNING: Dangers of Squeaky Ball --
Squeaky Ball is not to be played with strange dogs as a fight or serious injury may occur.
Snarling, growling, and biting is encouraged provided no blood is drawn.
Sniffing of other players' genitalia is not only encouraged but preferred.
Home base: If your parents do not own a Suburban or a pick-up truck, home base can be under a parked vehicle. Make sure this vehicle is not moving as you can be seriously injured or killed.
Acreage is required for Squeaky Ball; however, this game should only be played at home. If your parents live in an apartment, you're fucked! Besides, they shouldn't have five dogs in an apartment anyway.
Special warning to young pups: Never be lured into a van or car by older dogs with a promise of a game of Squeaky Ball. This may result in pet-o-philia, which will involve your balls, but it will not be quite as fun as squeaky ball. And, although doggy years go by fast, you will spend time time in therapy later in life if molested by an older stray.
Make sure the Squeaky Ball is small enough to fit in your mouth but large enough not to choke on. One would not want to die playing a game of Squeaky Ball.

These rules have been set forth on this 12th day of May in the year 2007. From this day forward, may everyone enjoy Squeaky Ball and play it safely.