It has been fourty-five days since I took my last breath
I was at my funeral as you all spoke so sadly about my death
I thought I would be missed, maybe longed for in so many of ways
All I see however is me slipping out of your mind
I see you all moving on and just leaving me behind
As If I was never around
I am trapped in this lonely dimension
you can't see or hear me, not even the slightest sound
"I still exist!" I shout to you
So frustrated wishing to be back with my body
that now rotts underground
If I had tears that fell
I would rubb them on your face
Leaving you all, of me some type of trace
before Im forever erased
However I fear the truth
I am dead, nothing else for me lies ahead
I cannot pass on without knowing
I stay in your hearts
In any form, in any way
until I am sure of this
my spirits lingers, it will just stay.
I can no longer pray
so please remember me even if its just for today.
Author notes
I send out a prayer for those left behind" this poem was to state that all left on earth are in pain of those lost, yet we dont know what is on the other side and we can only hope and pray they don't hurt as well for that would be to much!!!
In a list
A contest entry
- For Those Left Behind by Ink4Blood.
600 points, ended June 18, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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There should be a hyphen between "forty" and "five" in the first line.
I wish the rhyme scheme was a little constructed instead of the more random harmony you're going for. I do like the digression in line length, it starts to read more quickly after each few lines.
The theme is great - it is a shame the number of people's souls are left behind due to unsettled events. Great choice of topic.
I feel that maybe stanza breaks might make the poem a little easier to read through. *shrug* this is still good though. Nice job. -
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tyvm for reading and commenting on this piece, wish ya would have ehjoyed it more lol but thank you for pointing out my error sometimes I enter these poems so quickly that I miss my own errors
I have made the correction thanks to you
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wow
i loved this its sooooo true
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kinda wierd huh tyvm for commenting and reading this piece!!!
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i liked this, liked this a lot. I have to say though, the beginning is a lot stronger than the end. The end sounds sort of rushed. But I really liked the first 6 lines or so. It was very emotive and visual. : ]
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tyvm I was having a hard time with the ending I had hoped no one would notice lol thank you for enjoying and reading the piece
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WOW! This is a powerful write! You did a great job on it. I have to believe that those that have passed on, are in a better place, no more pain, or worries. I am sure that those that have passed on, do worry that those they leave behind, will forget them, but one would have to be cold hearted to forget someone that they loved.
Anyways you did a great job on this one. Best of luck in the contest. -
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Thank you, It was a different poem for me and I really enjoyed writing it thanks for reading and commenting.
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