I
Some days I remember how it feels
to pray, to hold Jesus
on top of lips,
crushing god between palms.
Those are the days time
has lingered too long,
urges me to cat-curl on
mother's lap and let her
finger-brush the rats'
nests from my hair.
When I want to snap the blinds
into permanent closure,
let the dark eat into my skin
until I become but a shadow
dancing on someone else's walls.
II
Screams are predecessors to silence;
you open your mouth-- allow
the universe to phantom-foot in
the gestation of your next infant yell;
it creeps in, curls around
to tie your tongue into a million knots
until you are captive to the echo of nothing.
You become fish-faced, waiting
to release pain from this island of isolation.
III
Becomes an implosion; so much builds
until I'm captured in a burst-out.
The whole climbs in, stretches me.
Swells feet and hands and hips
until I am nothing more
than the air below clouds-- so far removed
from the girl who shot dandelion heads
from strict stems, caught
garter snakes to slide up wrists
as a pagan queen of freedom;
so far from those dreams, moments
staring into the glare of a star--
when wishes become wants
and it all fades into the gray
of nothing matters anymore
and I'm stuck, reaching for safety
that has stood up,
shook me off
and walked away--
Author notes
eh... title leaves much to be desired, methinks.
Suggestions? A comment? Mindless praise? I'm open to it all right now.
This is the first thing I've actually worked on for a while. The last few are just there to take up space...
you know, like I do in my author's comments?
don't tell me what you think... just praise me endlessly
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Very creative and imaginative. A very original write. Well done. Thanks you for entering and good luck in my contest.
Jeannie
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very impressive
this is my first impression of your work i think, i would have remembered, this is a fantastic piece of writing, some amazing skill and grasp of the use of the page. I think the creative concepts inthe beginnig are wonderful you develop it so well in parts 2 and 3 and it builds until the ending to me a kind of denouement( after the high point)i take that to mean a lover gone away ansd the woman you build before then shouldn't be shattered by that, so i think i missed something or it is a mystery to me, no matter, this is a marvelous writing from a gifted writer and I shall look for more of your work...PK
. Rewarded 8
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Totally rocks, girl! It's unique and it's creative and you just let it all hang out in this! Love it! Rock on, girlie! Been too long since I've read your work!
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Wow, I wish I could of something like this lol..I think you've done very well. I do like your little note at the very end
Well done!
Kari -
Oh. This is a great set of poems that you have. I like the ones that are short and put into sections. It seems like it leaves so much room open for creativity. I'll have to try it some time. I liked yours though. They were different but all connected and it seems to me like it's about how you got to feeling the way you are now to how you were when you were young. Like you were doing some self analysizing. I could see the progression of your feelings pretty good. I'm not that great at criticisms or anything so my interpertation will have to do.
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Ah....this is good. I love section poetry when it's good.
So, praise you endlessly
.....hmm....
Ok, well, my only critical would be to look over this:
"urges me to cat-curl on
mother's ample lap and let her
finger-brush the rats' nests
from my tornado'd hair."
It's very double barelled... cat-curl, ample lap, finger-brush, tornado'd hair.. .. maybe tone it down slightly? But it's fine as it is.... i just choked a little on it. or rather the little girl in my head who reads things out in there did
The title.. I like it, but there's something about 'silence' in poetry that's overdoen. I use it in nearly every poem.. iu must must stop that.
But I adore this...for some reason i love poems that aren't about religion that mention jesus..
and it fitted well with the song i'm lsitening to..
. Rewarded 8
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LoL. I like your request. It made me laugh..
I liked your first two... um parts? I'm not sure what they are called when they are separated as such... verse? Whatever it is. The first 2 roman numerals.
I didn't love the third. I can't put my finger on what it is i don't love about it. I liked the second stanza well enough. But the rest of it. I don't know. it was like it didn't fit or something. I'm not quite sure. I'll have to think for a while and see if I can offer anything that isnt mindless.
. Rewarded 8
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And, just for the record, I love dogs, I love children...
There is a great movie: My Life as a Dog
If you haven't seen it, I think you might enjoy it a great deal.
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I haven't seen it. I'll have to check and see if I can find it.
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Ironically I found myself feeling very small while reading this to the point of being a dog. It has that sort of blind dependence within it and the need for the comfort of such dependence. I suppose children and dogs often feel the same sorts of feelings...or anyone that is vulnerable and dependent. This poem is strong, full of solid words, and it reaches the reader.
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thank you.
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