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Ice Dancers

Missing image

Ice Dancers

Hush… then… slowly, the music starts
Your arm around my waist, we glide
Around and around then faster
You hold me in a firm embrace

Your arm around my waist, we glide
I turn, we twirl, safe in your arms
Giving you the total control
Then the music strikes crescendo

Around and around then faster
We spin; you throw me in the air
Triple Lutz, I turn, you catch me
My blade cuts the ice perfectly

You hold me in a firm embrace
High over your head with one hand
Clockwise with the speed of the wind
I have put all my trust in you

 

 

 

Author notes

Retourne

Like so many other French forms, the retourne is all about repetition. It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables. The trick is that the first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line, the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme.

Form source: shadowpoetry.com

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • second-born
    September 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow...such vivid images of ice dancers gliding on love...this is such a fantastic form...and your poem was so natural...


  • SHADESOFVERMiLiON
    June 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    FINALIST!!! =]]]


  • Pure Thought silver member
    May 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    How lovely this is.

    With the flow of the skaters rythm you placed your words so perfectly. Where JohnnyD would change a word in the last line of last stanza, I would only suggest the last line of the 3rd stanza be changed from,
    'My blade rips the ice perfectly' to
    'My blade cuts the ice perfectly'

    Reasoning: Cutting is precise and smooth
    Ripping is careless and ragged.
    I feel it is more in line with the preciseness of the beauty you penned here.
    I wouldn't want a surgeon ripping me open, cutting is more acceptable. No, I'm not an expert just letting you know what I felt when I read this.
    This is what I aspire to compose. Thank you for sharing this with me.
    Buddy


    • Amera gold member
      May 24, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! You are so right! I changed it to "cuts"

      Love,
      Amera

      • Pure Thought silver member
        May 24, 2007

        Edit | Reply

        You are welcome,

        Judges scoring a perfect 10!!!
        The crowd goes wild, Amera wins the gold medal in Retourne composition.

        It is beautiful.


  • blueyez
    May 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love retournes and I love ice skating!!!! This was a fantastic write!


  • painfully amazing
    May 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow..when i was little i used to always want to be a pro figure skater... well i've never actually been skating before ever..haha..amazing write.loved it=]


  • I am a Mindfreak
    May 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Love the poem. I'm a figure skater myself so that's another reason why I really enjoyed the poem. Great write and keep up the great work.


  • Swan song gold member
    May 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am glad you showed me this form I love the way it allows sort of a chant as you read. Again this is wonderful.


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    May 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Another form written to exceptional standard! You take to these like a duck to water. I like the content of this, it's graceful and delicate. Thank you for sharing. I hope you're well. La x


  • And Hyetal
    May 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Always the amazing Retourne writer! Very... "cool"... write you've penned here. Pun intended.

    I wish you the best of luck in the contest!

    Always,
    Cassie


  • roses on fire
    May 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is wonderful you are an amazing poet mom!

    ps. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!!!!!

    I LOVE YOU!!!

    Faithy foo


  • Desire gold member
    May 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow!!

    Holy Moly...This is Beautiful in form and images~
    What a painting You have brought to Life...
    Just Love it!!
    Form Queen
    Thank You for sharing this Gem!

    Best wishes to You in the contest
    Many blessings too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • JohnnyD gold member
    May 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Amera, very, very nicely done

    However, with my mind, such as it is, I would change one word in the last stanza;

    You hold me in a firm embrace
    High over your head with one hand
    Clockwise with the speed of the wind
    I have put all my lust in you



    Dad


  • PerVirtuous
    May 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is sexy! I like it. We actually skate here in Maine. Three bunnies for this!!!

1 - 15 of 15