With passion say
I am pro life
But kill a gay
And beat your wife
It is your right
To fuck and kill
With passion fight
People's goodwill
Sit there and die
To their word
You fucking cry
Now it's absurd
In fact it's true
But you don't care
Fuck your own view
You wouldn't dare
To simply ask
It is to hard
So wear your mask
Fucking retard
Sit there and die
To every word
They fucking cry
It's not absurd
A contest entry
- Nationalism by unknownpleasure.
401 points, ended June 3, 2007, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 1014 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Whoa this one was bitter, and so full of hostility within the words - blew be back, but you were so open with us, like laying your heart on your sleeve and .. I can't help but agree with parts of it.
Thanks for entering! -
such hostility. But it's honest, and doesn't hold back. Which is something I appreciate. 
Thank you for entering.
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You have hit the nail on the head with this one! There are so many retards out there who believe in stuff like this. Good job they have a natural outlet for their violence as car park attendants and politicians.
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Very emotionally laden
You poured out your soul with this one & I Salute you for it. I hate to admit it but I agree with alot of this. ( But woulD use different language
)
except for the :
And beat your wife
It is your right
But I think your using that sarcastically to prove a point. Great write my friend.
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Right, first of all. You're not getting a trophy as you 1) rhymed and 2) didn't background. I didn't ask for many rules, I don't think it was too much to ask...
Ok, that over with... Drop the final stanza. I'm no fan of repeating whole stanzas as a chorus (if it is a song adapt it). However, I would do so not because of that, but because ending the poem at "fucking retard" would be so much more powerful, and a great expression of your disgust and revulsion.
In the first stanza you swap between first and third person. Is this the patriot speaking? Is it you commenting on patriots?
In fact, rereading this, I'd drop the little four line refrain altogether, I think it would give a better flow. I might also consider changing fucking retard to fucking something-that-doesn't-rhyme-with-hard-that-shows-your-contempt.
I think breaking the rhyme scheme for the final line would show you see no need to constrain your feelings.
In fact in fact, coming back to this once more, I do really quite like it. So you might get a trophy after all... -
Amazing!
I like it a lot! I totally agree! How can one person say they won't kill a baby, but they will kill a man. Beating innocent people, who have done nothing but sin. But so have we all...Excellent write! Very nice to read! Good luck in the contest!
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This is such a great poem! These people, the gay pro-abortionists are an abomination unto our great Christian nation! Public execution is too good for them! What are our brave boys and girls fighting for in Iraq?
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Very amusing write.
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