[ Jaw clenched shut tightly ]

Jaw clenched shut tightly.
Wondering why,
She always ruin things.

I was laughing and smiling,
None of it was fake.
Everything went silent till she came in,
Till one of the guys made a joke.


I was making jokes with him,
He was doing the same.
Smiling at each other,
Knowing it's still there.
That damn emotion,
That will never leave,
It waits there forever.

As I blinks a couple of times,
Wondering what will make him happy.
But then shakes my head,
Nawing on my lower lip.
Wondering what the cost will be,.
Of course...
You have to buy happiness or even make a sacrifice.

As I lost my appetite,
Holding back tears.
Afraid that I'm slowly losing them,
Knowing I can't go back.
And change the past,
But only watch what's going on.
Trying to help,
But only make things worse.

Thinking about my home state.
Knowing only a few would really miss,
And the others would move on.
Wanting to take a break,
Waiting to be home.

Hiding the bruises,
Knowing it's not that much.
Not surprised at all,
As they believe it's from,
Volleyball.
Just ignoring the weird looks,
And side conversations.
Dead eyes look at the tile,
As I hear my name,
Knowing their talking about me.

I'll be alone again,
Everyone graduating.
Leaving...
Knowing I'll sit by myself again,
I can't trust people.
Either betrayed.
Or worse...

To people,
This probably just means a poem.
When really it means more,
There's emotion,
And even a sign.
But everyone ignores it ,
And then they go in shock.
When something happens,
I guess I was right.
Again...

Bella Knoll
11:40pm 5/12/07