I should have come before
while the ground was still hot;
this fenced negative space
now seems cold, shallow,
and too small to contain
what it was and has become.
I saw the long list of names
but in a crowd with cameras,
could not mourn them
or those sacrificed since.
Still the blood sang
in my ears;
and tourists turned to stare
as though they heard
my heart pounding.
It was later that I wept;
a fire engine stopped at a red light
and two young firefighters
agreed to shake my hand.
Author notes
True stories
A contest entry
- Empty Vessel by Heart Sutra.
950 points, ended May 17, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This was very good and very pointed. I was there, 2 days after it happened because I could not just sit at home and do nothing. To say it filled me with an undeniable deafening awe would be an understatement. I understood all of your imagery and thinks it's perfect as it is. Thank you for this
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This is really well written. It's hard to write about such an important event in our history but you did well in articulating the tragedy of it. It's a day that none of us will soon forget.
"It was later that I wept;
a fire engine stopped at a red light
and two young firefighters
agreed to shake my hand."
simply put but filled with such emotion. very good job.
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Pretty cool story, didn't see the earlier version, but like this one.
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I don't understand Barry Hodges' comment...it makes sense to me. Very powerful poem. I can almost see you standing there, feeling the first stanza.
"I should have come before /
while the ground was still hot; / this fenced negative space / now seems cold, shallow, / and too small to contain /what it was and has become."
...perfectly said
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You have a very nice voice. Why haven't I found you before?
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But blood sang
in my ears;
and tourists turned
as though they heard
my heart pounding.
I loved those words.
BHOlzner
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the poem prior to edits, I thought was wonderful (full of mourning - yet such a wonderful tribute and recognize of feelings that many never let out at all). So, here I am seeing a poem that seems even more tight with more conviction as to your feelings. I wish I were able to see the edited piece next to this one - but it's strength is one that I can't imagine either piece not being a gift.
again - a tremendous write and thanks again so much for all of your kind words.
Kim
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I am always slightly surprised as to where your poetry brings me. This has me thankful that you have started to write again. I followed this story with your clear details and found that emotion tugging at me with so many feelings as to the tragedy that brings such a poem - then your ending stuns me all the more. I am in such admiration of how you bring conclusion to your poetry in a way that has me thinking twice about everything - including myself.
'an amazing poem really... it's sound on every level and brings us back to the importance of letting ourselves "feel" to recognize loss - even when it hurts beyond such unfathomable occurrences.
so very well done... you're raising the bar in your reappearance here ...
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This is emotional and important. I think poetry should often have those two elements at the very least present within them, as well as a story line, which you also have here. This well done. Thank you for sharing it with the contest.
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Id comment more thoroughly, but Im so shocked to find another poet on this site who doesnt use rhyme religiously that I cannot bring myself to.
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I remember my wife waking me up with tears in her eyes, and being glued to the television night and day. I remember seeing strangers hold eachother for comfort. A nation was bound together by pride, love, sorrow, and rage in a way that no other event in my lifetime has done.
This poem brings me back to those moments, just as your visit must have taken you back.
Beautiful poem, beautifully presented, thank you so much.
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a good piece here showing an emotional sigh, i will never be able to vist ground zero, i live in another country.
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nice
I can only imagine the feelings one would have visiting that place. I liked that you brought up this,"or those sacrificed since."good write
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This was so deep and real it gave me shivers. I could literally picture the ending of this poem happening. You did a wonderful job.
Kari
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