Lust, passion and desire is all I feel
you are a temptation I can not resist
I hunger for your taste.
Defy this love, I know that I must,
but I can not fight this burning lust.
Vision so clear in my mind of us,
although they seem but a dream now,
just a blurry vision left of you.
Bringing me back to reality when your around,
my knees shake, I want to fall to the ground.
The taste of your sweet lips,
the temptation we both must resist,
the way you feel, your voice I still hear.
You are the poison to my heart,
the death of love when we're apart
Our passion, our love is so real,
but brings nothing but heartache and pain
it burns me when I see you and can not touch.
So we both try so hard to stay away,
I try to forget all the things you would say.
A contest entry
- Picture Inspiration/Interpretation... by Rianna Bear.
450 points, ended May 22, 2007, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - Romance: Love, Fantasy and Passion by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended May 11, 117 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You know you want to enter this contest by KnightOfTheRose.
380 points, ended August 13, 2007, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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wow! A beautifully written poem!! I really enjoyed reading this piece! I also really loved the background you chose it went with the piece so well! The gold trophy this piece won is definitely well deserved! Thank you so much for entering! Excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!!!
-Steve- -
We are the poison to our hearts,
I like this line, very Shakespeare.
John -
intense
nice,this is intense,and I can relate. -
this is so sad you guys are in love but scared wow i can related to this poem really. i like thisp poem its strong and powerful great job really
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Passionate
Nice work. It is beautiful.
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Vivid. I felt like I was there as if I were you in this. It was so nicely written. Lust can be such a powerful thing, and you wrote well of it. Kudos to you!
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love it
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To write in a personal pronoun always adds a highlight to a poem, creating an almost personal touch within the reader’s imagination. Rather unusual in form, having the last 2 lines rhyming on each stanza, creating a wonderful couplet. I do however feel that hearts and apart do not rhyme, so maybe this needs to be adjusted. I also noticed that you repeated passion 3 times, resist 3 times and vision twice, there maybe more that I over looked. Anyhow, all this says to me is that you need to look up some other words as it says you need to strengthen your vocabulary.
Your metaphors are heart rendering at times, provoking images of pain and desire. Always a bonus when a metaphor is effective.
Overall, with consideration to what I have mentioned, I feel this poem is well suited to the category you have entered, maintaining high imagery and understanding. Well done and thank you for entering the 2007 raven contest, I wish you the very best of luck
Moonlight raven
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this was good i liked it... thanx for joining and good luck in my contest...
Laters
Loves...*hugs* -
bow wow woof woof
turn this mind to a howling wolf. Although a sadness of a longing heart concludes this poem your very sexyhunger of deprivity expresses your very hot sexy and er5otic nature of desire.
Just enticingly sexy
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Oh this is good
God your wroung for writing this
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Hey, this was pretty nice. A love you want so much, but is wrong to touch...a love you must stay away from is always the best kind! thanks for your entry, i really enjoyed it!
Rianna -
such passionate and full of emotions."it burns me when i see you and can not touch"...a touching line...showing the sign of unreciprocated feeling. Goodluck!
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