dear cami

dear cami,
Wow...how do i even begin this? Tt used to be so easy...talking to you. I knew you and i knew what to say. But now...now you're so different....I'm so different. We grew up. funny...i remember you swearing you never would! oh well promises like that can't be kept. Well as i'm sure you know, your birthday is coming up. and of corse me being the emotional wreck that i am, it's been killing me all month. I don't know what to do. or say. I mean we were BEST FRIENDS. And now...now we're just strangers. I HATE this. I mean i know we've tried to fix whats left but maybe that's the problem. There is nothing left. There can't be anymore. Those girls that we were...they died. We killed them and now we're these people. I don't know if that's good or bad...i used to feel like i needed you. Like i couldn't really live if you weren't my friend. And than all the sudan, we weren't friends. And i did live (quite painfully for awhile). But now i relize...i don't need you in my life. that's right. i don't NEED you in my life. But that does not mean in anyway that i don't WANT you in my life. Because to be honest i don't know if i want you in my life. I can't know untill i get to know you again. I DO know that i've called your house a few times on accident. I'll go to call someone else and i dial your number....i really believe that's my way of telling myself that i do want to get to know you again. By now you're probably thinking i'm some crazy ass girl and wow why would you ever want to talk to me agan? And if you are thinking that i can't say i blame you...i mean this is kinda random me just sending you a message like this. I guess what i'm trying to say through all this junk is Happy Birthday...and if we're never really friends again, have a very nice life. You deserve it.