Last they heard he left here
with a smile on his nose.
He had frowned his eyes to the north,
and headed south, they said.
The train station was the last place on this
fine earth they saw him, they said.
He rose up early, dressed in fine tones of
brownish pair of pants, they said.
In a hurry he left the town, they said.
The room he left stood naked,
all but the body that lay there.
The warm blood of solid truth, laying in a
Puddle of booze bottled whisky.
The mark of Death, they said.
The warrant now out for his arrest showed his
face where it is now posted
upon a post it board at the train station
where he left at early morn that day
with a smile on his face, they said.
A contest entry
- Deep Dark Thoughts by ApatheticKai.
330 points, ended August 11, 2007, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Inference
Guilt by inference is not a heavenly ascent to the gallows, for certainly this is where you will write your final lament as the rope draws taught and the neck snaps from the heavy burden of that whiskey induced aberration.
Let the man run for he cannot hide in the justice will prevail now whether he be guilty or innocent in the eyes of the law that is another story yet untold.
I like it, I like it so.
. Rewarded 8
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this was really good but i didnt get when you sed with a smile on his nose. it kinda confused me lol good write tho.
xX*Cheyenne*Xx*
*
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i loved reading this poem it flowed and had a nice use of words...good luck
~Wolf~ -
I like
this style of narrative and how the end of each stanza indicates hearsay
nicely done...
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Love booze and murder-such a splended combination!! Please keep writing for I'm sure I will enjoy reading more of your works.
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Awesome!!!
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Very cryptic in your style, narrative point of view is sometimes difficult but you pulled this off well...almost had a dark, twisted evilness to it but as a reader I think I found myself pulling for the guy...maybe just my twisted self! HA! Good job anyway ya spin it....
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Awesome
i realy think this poem is absulutly amazing,my favorite part was when you said "The warm blood of solid truth" that line made me shiver to the tip of my head,it was a little sad but it was dark and i realy like the dark i spend all day in there the last line could have been better but all in all the poem was well written and had a wonderful story and it was very dark and me maddie realy likes the dark so this poem was wonderful to me!keep up all your good work so i cn comment some more!
-maddie
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I couldnt quite understand it, sorry for my ignorance, but it was interesting, though I thought it could use a modification on the rhyming. Thats just my opiniong. Good Job though
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Hmmm, i think this is really well written, no doubt about it, i don't like it as much as your others. There's something i can't quite put my finger on. However i really liked the 4th stanza. I think if i read it on a different day it will mean something different so i'll write another comment then. Great write though!
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I liked it!
I liked it too~ and I like the way you did the They said... as well~ it was a nice twist to the style of poetry.... Actually liked it soo much.... i might use that type of style .... if you don't mind.... somewhere down the road... lol ... -
This was really interesting. I was drawn in right away and the unique format ,"they said" made it have an alltogether wonderful feeling flow. For some reason it made me think of Ghost Rider, I'm not talking about the movie but the old comics. Great job!
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I love it, reminds me of some out-law character from a western. I think the title is all wrong....I think it should be They Said.
I said sincerely,
sassy
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well done
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sic to the vertigo
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This is wonderful, I was sucked into the story right away. I found it sad but I didn't want it to end. The "smile" can lead to another poem. Well done!
Love,
Amera
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This poem has a dark element yet is so well written, and a very unique style in using 'they said.'
It's a great read and i really like the imagery the fourth stanza creates.
x
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