Breeze breathe the astro star
beyond booby traps,
the naked eye trails distance lonely
as one beginning,
waiting, stilling days after days to time.
note up the way it feels, and climb actions
to their fullest nest.
stilts holding in place the realms and bands of star storms
Cooperating together in moth forms;
together forever since childhood.
A contest entry
- search by CarCrashHumor.
800 points, ended August 1, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Brilliant
Really like this and the images you paint in such a few lines. Great flow and language use -I look forward to seeing more of your work
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Wonderful write here, lovely vivid imagery for such a short piece. I loved the connection with the cosmics. Tasteful write, keep up the work.
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fascinating short poem you got here. really takes your breathe away. woo!
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Its deffinately abstract, and odd. but the flow is nicely, it presents an hazy image of something only partialy remembered. Nicely done.
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This Was...
A little better I prefer this than the other piece. I hope you don't think I am mean but I just can't lie some of these people on here will but i am going to be honest with you.
Breeze breathe the astro star
beyond booby traps,
the naked eye trails distance lonely
as one beginning// this was the best part to me -
Wow, this is extremely beautiful. Bravo! You captivated my interest.
note up the way it feels, and climb actions
That was my favorite.
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well well. I'm not even sure what to say. This poem took me by surprise. I always love when I have no idea where a poem is going to take me. A small journey in space and time. Great imagery. Keep it goin'.
Creatress
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This is really, really good... (b******)
Seriously, terrific write...
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wow!
this poem is un-describable such a powerfull affect!that you just cn't say anything but wow! well done i enjoyed it
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This reminds me definatey of 'Calvin and Hobbes' comics. lol. Love the strips of timeless trips taken without any real recognition of age. Well done.
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Loved it
I like this, it feels like a web of words, tangled but flowing at the same time.
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Wow...
I loved this... I can feel the hazy life beyong the horizon... I can see the stars and the storms... I absolutely love this poem!
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this is very abstract but pleasing in its rhythm and playfulness. I liked the concept of cooperating together in moth forms. Thank you for writing for this.
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nice interesting piece my friend. I love the use of metaphors and the terrific images you painted with your words. Great job.
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Great write! Youve writen this very well and with vivid images.
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quite interesting. Yours words are interesting, especially with uses of either Metaphors or Similies. The images were also intriguing with much to them.
-Reign
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Well done and good use of metaphor. Have you done any formal form poetry? You’d be good at it.
Love,
Amera
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very cool. Love the way it's written.
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