You know we were
Very good friends
For each other we did care
But I'm afraid that it all here ends
Just because of a beautiful girl
You sold me
For you she was a shiny pearl
And you could no-more see
Me as you did before
*********
It's a shame
Because things will never be the same
And you know that it's you to blame
*********
How dare you
After all those years
Do something like that
and make me shed tears
But don't worry , I'll have my revenge
I'll make thee weep and cry out in vain
And taste the meaning of the truest pain
*********
It's a shame
Because things will never be the same
And you know that it's you to blame
*********
Apologize as usual , But I'll accept no more
I'll go on and hurt you to the core
And make you surrender for your pitiful fate
Never knowing how long you will have to wait
For me to state
That you are at last free
To be again with me
But for that to happen ...
You will have to wait for eternity !!
*********
It's a shame
Because things will never be the same
And you know that it's you to blame
*********
SORRY MAN , BUT THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME !!
Author notes
i wrote this because something happened between me and my most beloved friend .. and though we were friends for about 5 years , but i have to face the truth that things between us will never be the same
A contest entry
- What does it mean to be ALONE? by WhenWillsCollide.
575 points, ended May 30, 2007, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Thats sad :( ... U think so too ?
Comments
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it is wht u thought at tht time zeez ...
but wht wbout now ..
things are the better than before...
right..
so dont right wht u feel in tht time and then say tht it is for eternity..
okz
-
Ok..
This at first sight came to hit me as a song..
so I'll say this based on my interceotion of a song in progress..
First verse (Intro) :
You know we were
Very good friends
For each other we did care
But I'm afraid that it all here ends
Just because of a beautiful girl
You sold me
For you she was a shiny pearl
And you could no-more see
Me as you did before
Add a beat, then follow in the spaces, and the grooves, and you'll eventually cut off the excess stresses and syllables which don't fit or which magnify or hinder the flow..
example :
I'll choose this beat:
You know ..
when we were friends
good close friends
I cared .. (rhyme)
And so you'd say ..
before it ends
you can't see me no more
because of her .. (rhyme)
-------
Simple and describing..I noticed you used many long adverbs and lines (again if this was a song) then it should be filtered more than this ..
(I am afraid that it all here ends)
(Because of a beautiful girl)
(For you she was a shining pearl)
Try to summarise your emotions ya Zizo, and at the same time bring a deepness to it without using too much words..
If you can do that then this would be a wondrful poem-song..
You're chorus is fine needing a finishing touch :
It's a shame
Because things will never be the same
And you know that it's you to blame
Maybe (shorter version) :
It's a shame,
This will never be the same
and there's no one to blame ..
but you ... ooooooohhhhh ...
Again this was my beat, and my groove ..
You choose your own, and dance upon it, tab it with your feet, mind and heart, and you'll get yourself a song..
Just remember to not make it too long, or submerged with hard words ..
I liked it, be well ..
(And forget about him, he's no good anyway)..
Good for you that you knew him on his true self rather than be tricked somewhere more sensetively ..
RD
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I was in a similar situation with my ex best friend...but if they're gonna make u cry then they aren't very good friends in the first place! great work...worthy of my applause! hehe! kxox
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Thanks Alot ..
Thank u for ur beautiful comment .. and he really made me think of him as a good guy and every thing .. but he turned out to be the opposite of this all
, any way thank and hope to c ya later
bye
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