A rough fog of a deep paranoia covering the place and burning our breath
Pushing us to hide behind our bravest heart in the weight of our body
Leveling the grime and behind the thickset trees veiling the sun and the sight
Looking to the sins laying into our hands and magnifying our passion agony
By the greatest fear, when love and death ravage so near
Improving our gashes and betrays
Vanishing our wills by the music rays,
And we can’t step back, the reality decides for us
And we can’t step back, the hope in our hearts is dry
And we can’t rebel, the whirl of dust floating in our blood
A contest entry
- ~~~PREWRITE CONTEST~~~ by phoenixonfire.
300 points, ended August 3, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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POWERFUL..almost gives me an impression of a rap...great work I must say...pri
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oh mannnnn am trylu speechless !!!!!!!!!! i can relate to every single word keep on rocking
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listen i can easily be inspired by your comments. can u believe that! well neither i do
thanks
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lol no i cant
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well i should confess....:'( it's not EASY to be inspired by your comments, for how smashing they are, it's kinda i can't focus but on what you've wrote. in fact your poems do the job
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yo man
what lovely dark peice
really like it
only one thg:
in the 4th line, the verb looking is a bit confusing, for a moment i thought u ment "searching"
if u want my advice, u can replace it with smthg like "staring" or another synonim of "looking"
but, the peice is really awsome
good work, keep on penning.
peace
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ur damn good, thanks for your comments that's quite important man
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