He comes like the darkness of the night.
Paralyzed by what's wrong and right.
Usually he wins the fight.
Against the darkness and the light.
A shattered soul left to dwell,
In his broken shell.
Flowers wither and turn black.
Souls are gone and never come back.
Left beside their chains to hack.
Until their day ends with a crack.
You may look inside his soul and see,
All that remains is broken debris,
His life kept to a certain degree,
And yet he is chained to me.
A fallen angel, left to die.
And every tear that he cries,
I'll catch for him, so he can fly,
All the way up to the sky.
And then it's time to say good-bye.
My spirit...
Author notes
This just reminded me of somebody very close to me...
A contest entry
- Help me reach my 2000 comment By entering your poetry by Night Terrors.
400 points, ended May 11, 251 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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We got spirit yes we do.... lol I love this it really was cool.
The Positives:
great imagery and emotion I thought this was very clever
Room For Improvement:
Nothing I can see you did wonderful
My Favorite Part:
Flowers wither and turn black.
Souls are gone and never come back.
Left beside their chains to hack.
Until their day ends with a crack.
You may look inside his soul and see,
All that remains is broken debris,
His life kept to a certain degree,
And yet he is chained to me
You wrote this amazingly well
Overall:
I give this an 7/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.
~*~Apathetic Poison~*~ -
I would like to disagree, I did not think this flowed, nor did I like the rhymes... i thought it was really choppy and the lines seemed really awkward with all the rhymes so close together.
The overall content of the poem, however... Was alright, if you take in every line... Nothing original though... Sorry... to be brutally honest
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Excellent write here
Written so smoothly and it just carries you along with such deep feelings .Great write indeed
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omg
wow wow wow wow! this is like ur best poem ever! I luv it! its like not depressing! awesome!! -
this is beautiful. it's full somehow.
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Need a box of tissues...and let the tears flow such emotions in this poem,A fallen angle, left to die. And every tear that he cries, I'll catch for him, so he can fly,All the way up to the sky. And then it's time to say good-by thank you so much for sharing this beautiful piece with me
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Its a great write, it flows very nicely.
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"A shattered soul left to dwell, / In his broken shell." i love those two lines. well written. thank you for sharing in the reading list...
~bee -
great job but look at your messages!!
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