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Unacknowledged Suicide

With every lit cigar your time winds down
It eats you up inside without a doubt.
Your killing yourself slowly, and this you know
You said you'd never commit suicide but here you go.

With every dose you drown
With more you'll soon soar.
You say you want to go to heaven
But you take a needle once more.

You only drink to forget
It rocks you to sleep.
It makes you feel better inside
It makes your liver weak.

You said you would never commit suicide
But there in your coffin you rest.
Suicide is not always putting a gun to your head
You can dose up, smoke, or drink instead.

May 10, 2007

Author notes

This is a poem relating to people who are commiting suicide (unacknowledged) and basically know it. I know people in each of these situations and it it quite sad. It is a sickness that needs to be cured.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • KnightOfTheRose gold member
    August 12, 2007
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    Wow really good! Loved the title it just drew me in! I also really loved the lines "You said you would never commit suicide
    But there in your coffin you rest." really good!!! Thank you so much for entering! Excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!!!


    -Steve-


  • kooleyes
    July 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is really great I love these linses in your last stanza.
    You said you would never commit suicide
    But there in your coffin you rest.
    Suicide is not always putting a gun to your head
    You can dose up, smoke, or drink instead.
    Your writing is really great and it shows in what you write. Thanks for the read and keep on wriiting.
    P.S You maybe the next great poet of the world. Keep writing from the heart


  • SpokenSilence
    July 28, 2007
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    awww in the the end this made me cry.
    it was very well written.

    keep it up.


  • opaqueangel
    July 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very powerful peice. I really enjoyed reading this. It captures your sences and really pulls you into this world. So many lives lost....it's sad really....makes your heart ache for a better tomorrow. I really liked this part, "You said you would never commit suicide
    But there in your coffin you rest.
    Suicide is not always putting a gun to your head
    You can dose up, smoke, or drink instead. "
    Very true in many cases. My cousin very recently drank himself to death so this poem has alot of meaning to me. Good luck in the contest and great write!


  • s p i r i t song
    May 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow, very powerful. i liked it a lot. thanks for entering


  • AutumnsFlame
    May 28, 2007

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    My goodness... I wasn't all for the writing here... it was kinda a "show don't tell" deal because it lacked imagery, but this did hit me on an emotional level, because I know someone exactly like this and it just reminded me of my girlfriend... I love her to death, but God, she really needs to quit smoking. Creative "suicide" idea here. I definetly agree with it. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest.

  • Kari gold member
    May 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Yes, suicide is totally sad and it can effect sooo many people and hurt a lot more then they could ever imagine...my grandmother killed herself a long time ago and I can feel your pain and grief in this one.
    I don't think people really stop to realize it at the end. I don't know why they do it actually. I think they maybe just become so numb or something...I don't know.
    Anyway, this poem I am sorry for all of your pain and heartache you're going through and I hope writing helps you to heal.

    Kari


  • Gwenaveira
    May 12, 2007

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    Exactly! Maybe I'm a total prude but I think those things (smoking, over-drinking) should be illegal because they are, technicallly, suicide. Just slower. Finally someone else understands! Thank you for saying what other refuse to acknowledge! (Btw great use of title!)


  • individuality gold member
    May 12, 2007

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    i guess we are all in some way or other committing suicide slowly, there is always something we do that takes a piece of us away but yes smokign drug and drink sure does it. a good piece.


  • Darkened eyes
    May 11, 2007

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    This sends a very powerful and valid message. Although many people have different views on what suicide is, this clearly shows one view with valid reasons. There is a very strong format and like i said a very strong message which has been shown excellently.
    x

  • Aurora Ceres
    May 11, 2007

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    Okay, I really like this! I do! Addiction, now that's a pretty tender spot and something that so very many people deal with. It's one of those things that unless you've been there, you cannot truly know what it is like....a 'walk a mile in their shoes' kind of deal. I am going to assume that this is written about those whom know for a fact that they have an addiction and make no attempt whatsoever to seek help in any way.
    In that respect, I agree with you wholeheartedly. This is very to the point, very powerful and to say the very least, thought provoking! You bring up some very valid points. Very good job!

1 - 11 of 11