Using both hands,
fingers moving like
a magician's casting
a spell he doesn't
know well. Irratic.
Without grace.
Grasping at water
flowing faster
through seivelike
fingers that are
unable to stop
its passage.
A need
to control
movement and flow
of events and our
relationships;
so they won't
drown us gushing
from faucets
without taps.
Unable to grasp
the insubstatial,
and yet unable to
stop trying.
For to do so
would send us
over the edge
of the waterfall
that awaits.
Author notes
frustration, trying to gain some control in life
A contest entry
- Frustration by paullallady.
600 points, ended May 11, 2007, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Une saison en enfer by Aesthete.
1500 points, ended August 24, 2007, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites by February Moon.
1750 points, ended July 31, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This was over all a nice enough read. I really liked the presented ideas. Very strong.
It was a little clumsy but not too bad, and irratic should be erratic. Other that theres nothing much wrong. Thanks for entering. -
Fantastic write! You are very good with words, and you created a very believable metaphor. The philosophical ending was the best part-
Unable to grasp
the insubstatial,
and yet unable to
stop trying.
For to do so
would send us
over the edge
of the waterfall
that awaits.
-
Wonderful! Congrats on the HM you won with this, this is a truly beautiful piece. Not much more I can say about it, I really liked the first stanza though. Thank you for entering, and good luck.
Chelsea
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hmm this was so well written I loved the imagery my favorite part I think was the last stanza.
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This captures our common struggle perfectly. We're either trying to grasp the water, or just keep our heads above it. I enjoyed your poem!
-
Dude... I can catch water. In my shirt!
...
Right. So I'm gonna go take a nap, now. Lack of sleep makes me loopy. -
I know this feeling very well. You did a great job of showing the frustration of loss of control over your own life. good luck in my contest.
-
this is a really great description of frustration! i like this.
Unable to grasp
the insubstatial,
and yet unable to
stop trying.
wonderful write! imagery is great! keep writing! thank you for sharing this. God bless you always
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