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the Triangle



Should such a thought ever cross your mind
A politic distance I kept from you
Now you drift apart
But once it was he who filled your life
You must know after all these years
What has changed your mind –
Stars or storms or a false beam
In your molten eyes.

Is it too soon or too late we choose to decide?
The sweetness of it all was
None of you were wise
Nor were you of divided minds
You drowned yourselves in a flush flood
Worldly wise I stood on the shore
To keep myself dry
Now you weep for your headlong plunge
I for my wisdom cry.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 33 of 33

  • Dragonbabyx3 gold member
    June 23
    ?
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    This is beautiful, yet almost sad. I had a hard time with this line "you drowned yourselves in a flush flood" could you have meant flash flood perhaps? Other than that, this is a brilliant piece full of enlightened understanding. I really enjoyed reading it!
    • karabi
      June 23
      Edit | Reply

      Dragonbabyx3

      Thanks for your comment. It is 'flush' and not 'flash' flood. You may verify from OED.

  • emo cutter kid
    March 13
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    iu really really like it

  • lovingpoet
    March 12
    Edit | Reply
    I like this poem thank you for entering

  • lostsouls12
    March 9

    Edit | Reply
    i really dont understand what your trying to get across here. dont get me wrong this is a well written poem. i just dont so much feel the love inside of it


  • vicisstus
    March 5

    Edit | Reply

    Unsure

    Not certain of what you're trying to say here. Not very clear. Again that's the idea of a poem. Good write!

  • Lady Michaella
    February 19

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    wow.. this is really good.. really well written.. great rhyme.. awesomely written.... great flow.. everythings great

    Thanks for entering.. and best of luck in my contest!
    ~~Lemon Bee~~

  • HereComesTheSun
    February 11

    Edit | Reply
    Positive: wow great flow and great work overall on this piece iv never read a poem that flowed that easly off the tongue. bravo also great wording what really caught my eyes was "Stars or storms or a false beam
    In your molten eyes." great work

    Negative: nothing

    thank for entering

  • Shattered Angel
    February 11
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful... It's very strong. Thanks for entering.

  • Still Standing gold member
    February 9

    Edit | Reply

    Great entry

    I like this short poem, I really like the part:

    Is it too soon or too late we choose to decide?

    Sometimes we decide wrong....Good job, thanks for entering and good luck!

  • PrabhuDayal Khattar gold member
    December 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You took me into the land of deep curiousity and made me a part of the your ssentiments ..love it..thanks for such a wonderful entry...

  • DawnKestrel
    October 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This poem seems really individual. Good job.


  • fake-or-real-smile
    October 19, 2008

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    Please put the option you have chosen in your N/A, message me when it is done and I will then comment your poem.

    Thank you.

    Rebecca

    • karabi
      October 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      xBeCx

      The last option - a gone love wrong.

  • SincerelyMegan
    August 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I found this poem a slight bit confusing, maybe because the flow was a little off?


  • trekkergirl silver member
    August 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very interesting and good write. Thanks for sharing


  • iwasakaleidoscope
    August 22, 2008
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    Wow, I love the way this is written. Great job and thanks for entering!

  • piccola gold member
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    congrats on the silver. This sure has been entered in a lot of contests! Nice job telling a story. Thank you for entering.
    • karabi
      August 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Piccola

      This is not only a poem but also a part of my life. Thanks for your appreciation.

  • GypsyEyes
    July 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i really liked this one! great job!thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox

  • Leila
    May 10, 2008

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    Just a quick comment to say thanks for entering this into my contest, sorry you didnt win but obviously there can only be three trophies given, which is a shame cause in this contest there deserved to be alot more winners! xxx

  • Leila
    May 8, 2008
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    I can relate to this well. Thanks for entering! x

  • Yumi
    March 27, 2008
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    This is a great poem. I really enjoyed reading it. Good luck.

    Erica ^.^


  • katie-jo
    March 13, 2008

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    Great piece but unfortunately you are the 34th person to enter a prewrite so I have to remove you because I am only allowing 25 prewrites on a first come first serve basis.

  • j i n gold member
    March 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Alright, now I have a bettter understanding of this write. At first I didn't see the beauty that was in it, that happens when I read sometimes. Please excuse me for having to come back to it.
    Best wishes to you in all these contests, and mine as well,
    jin

  • SchizoChic
    February 27, 2008
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    Original and sound. I love it.

  • Sinnastarr silver member
    December 29, 2007

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    This was a nice poem. A lot of emotion in this piece. It read well, also you portrayed your thoughts very well.
    All and all a very good entry to my contest. Good job on winning a gold for this piece.
    Thank you so much for entering my contest and I wish you the best of luck.


  • JM Kenyon silver member
    December 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely written completely with sound devices. s and best wishes... ~Genie~

  • darkangel-darksoul
    December 20, 2007
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    this is wonderful but not as dark as i would like. good luck anyway.

  • magnolia. gold member
    July 10, 2007
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    Sad, but beautiful.

    Thank you, for the entry.x.

    Mwah.
    Lullaby.x.

  • CharlotteRose
    May 28, 2007
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    This was so sad. I had to read it a couple times to get the meaning of it. You write very deep poetry. Even still I took several meanings from it. I like poetry like that--subjective and deep. Very nice write. Thank you for sending it to me!


  • Clinging-to-Life
    May 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    .....

    This is great....I LOVE THE LINES:

    "You drowned yourselves in a flush flood
    Worldly wise I stood on the shore
    To keep myself dry
    Now you weep for your headlong plunge
    I for my wisdom cry."

    This was a very sad peice. I can feel the regret just pouring out from the last few lines....the whole peice ties its self together so well. Great job.

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