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Fire on my palm
Melts the heated wax of skin-
A burning ice cube.
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Author notes
'.'
A contest entry
- Chill Out This Summer by Aun Ali.
300 points, ended May 26, 2007, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Something we can literally relate to, well done
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Well written. We always forget the burning sensation of cold.
A treat.
John -
Thanks For The Entry
I was sure at the very first sight that its your work and Naila's comment confirmed it. These AP people cannot hide my sisters from me.
Well another creation of such few words. This is the essence of poetry and your style is unique. There is so much depth in these few words.
Thanks again to enter this contest. Your entry is a blessing for me.
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Kya Baat Hai !!!
Wow ! What an amazing idea ! Well, apee, you do have a very rich imagination and the art of compressing striking thoughts in just a few words, Masha Allah. If I tell you honestly, I didn't understand it in my first read...but, now after a little reflection....I can fully understand the feeling you depicted...If I opine in just one phrase, I would say your poem is what I would call "bohat mazay kee". Best of luck in the contest.
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This is very extraordinaire Tarot reader hey i'm thinking the Chariot I find the image of fire in the palm very incentive. Fire/warmth heals. It's a process of recovery. Wax on the skin is a tinge of burn and does not persist as pain. You can snatch the wax off. The famous ice cube which melt pretty quick and not fixed permanently in the center of the hand. Experience of life is sure to pass even pain which must be given time. I don't see any wounds in your poem. I think it's a gentle haiku which makes willingness a little easier to accept. Regards and serenely in love thanx.
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an interesting image and thought...that something as cold as ice can burn as well as freeze. Nice presentation. An enjoyable read. Well done.
Rory -
Maybe it's just late or I'm just having a brainless moment... but I can't figure this one out. I've read it about 6 times and I still don't get it. I asumed you burned yourself and used an ice cube to calm the pain, but that picture is really not working for me. Mostly because of the word 'burning' along with ice cube. And I have no idea what a "wax of skin" is. Maybe some term I'm too old (or young)to have heard? I wish I could offer some praise, but I can't when I'm so totally lost. I guess I'll have to try another of your poems to see if I can do better. Patti
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Consider this:
Fire on my palm = Ice cube kept on my palm (just to beat the summer heat).
Now, this ice cube is so intensely cold, it seems as if its burning my skin. Just a poetic thought!
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Hope this little hint helps you understand the essence of this haiku.
Keep rocking always.
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Good.
I think fire should be hyphenated in some way to emphasize the double syllabic way in which you used it. Other than that, your form was great, imagery great, feel great, diction great. There's really not much else I can say. -
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I am delighted to know you enjoyed this haiku, and understood the word "fire" can be used in a double syllabic way. However, I prefer not to hyphenate it, so that the choice of hearing this haiku in its traditional or its non-traditional voice, remains solely with the "poetic joy" of the reader. But anyways, I would like to thank you for the suggestion you made, 'cause I know it was well-intended. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, and I am glad I came across this one!
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VERY NICE HAIKU
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Thanx, Jeff, for the applause. I am glad you enjoyed my work!!
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