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Wanting

If your ideas truly hold water
You said
Others might drink of them

If only water were the only thing
So dense
If only truth wasn't so
Fluid
If only time were less
Persistent

This left me wanting to prove
My worth, my strength
This left me wanting

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • truembrace
    May 29, 2007
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    oh boy... I meant to applaud and now it won't let me. Did I do this to you the other day as well?

    .. damn fingers clicked out too fast...

  • truembrace
    May 29, 2007

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    I told someone once that, "when I needed a drink of water - they gave me nothing." Then, when I had waited too long (and left) - along came the deluge of offerings. - how perfectly this poem describes that experience.

    Strong imagery and a great capture of the empty vessel theme. Nice line breaks by the way... are you sure you eren't reading this to me?

    I hope you enjoyed your holiday weekend and had the day off to bar-b-que and other such things.

    - Kim


    • brentsrich
      May 29, 2007
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      I'm sure I've been guilty of failing to bring the water a time or two. Sad that we often discover our shortcomings several steps too late.

      Thanks for the applause.

  • ea silver member
    May 16, 2007
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    very passionate poem, btw.

    • brentsrich
      May 16, 2007
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      I realize I've danced around this one a little. My intent here was to describe a failed relationship by the person who waited too long to grow up. This is the kind of person who thinks they have the answers and who, in retrospect, discovers that they didn't.

      The opening was inspired both by the title of the contest as well as by some Taoist things I've read. I tried playing with the denseness of water against that of the narrator. This was followed by the ease with which many change and reinterpret truth to fit their views rather than seeing it for what it is. In the end, regret takes hold.


  • Heart Sutra
    May 16, 2007

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    I love the complexity that is buried inside the understated presentation of this idea or thought. I really like the opening stanza and it lead me to think of someone specific in my life who was always saying that our 'ideas had to hold water' to be real...the other one was 'be worth their salt' to be taken seriously. I enjoyed this poem a great deal for its natural philosophy too. Thank you for sharing.

  • ea silver member
    May 11, 2007

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    well, that's too bad if it's BS because I thought it was possibly about the booklet. Of course, I thought it could be a number of things, which is how a koan should work.

    I liked the truth line especially because it does present a Zen Koan type riddle. As far as truth being fluid goes, I think that's actually a wise observation, in that it changes according to our own perspectives and situations. Yes, you would want to drink truth but what is true?

    Well, best of luck in the contest. I hope I haven't queered your chances since the host hates my guts.


  • hoodoolover silver member
    May 11, 2007

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    Wow, I have read this several times, and gotten different things out of it each. I feel it's very well written and certainly thought provoking, but it has left me shall we say......a little disturbed because I can't put my finger on what you are conveying here. Must be a sign of great poetry!

1 - 10 of 10