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Promise me





They promised me it would stop hurting
That these feelings would be tucked away
And kissed goodnight



Sweetheart

So
Many
Sunsets

Cold and curled up
On this dirtied mattress

Alone

From the moment you walked in
To the moment you walked out
Satisfied


And every
Single
Time

I burnt
And I ached
Needing for you to tell me
You only did it because you loved me




I know at times
The drugs filled your mouth up with words
And your mind up with warped desire
But this love I faced
Head on
And
Sober

I wanted so badly
For this to be
Perfect

Yet everything I worked for
Snatched away in your flurry of passion


Time after time
Letting you back
In the hope that this day
You'd whisper how you didn't mean it
And we could move on together now


You helped to piece together my mask
Clipping feathers from once white wings
To cover my eyes
Hiding their rivers
And training my tongue
To stay put
While I was put in place



I hoped

That when you told me I meant

Nothing

To anybody
You actually tried to say
"I need you"


And I hoped

In giving you what you wanted
You would love me back

I hated this love
But continued to break
For you


Because I promised myself oneday

You would stop hurting me.











Author notes

You can totally mis-read this poem as comments below have proved, so please go through it slowly, and more than once to understand it better. Or re-read it after reading the authors notes. It is massively personal to me and I'd really appreciate this.

For a contest. Not as happy as my other love pieces, but it was asked that I wrote somthing bold and filled with hurt. Shows the bad side of sex, and is about a relationship I went through as a much younger teen and have over analysed to this day. The realtionship was one way and repetatively, seriously sexually abusive.

Has been edited as origionally contained glitter with a translation.

bigXfatXemo-- Hurt me. Make me feel your pain. Come up with something bold. (Would definetely be a plus if you do dirty pretty... lol)

To explain to just deeply this poem [to me] expresses the hurt I went through I'd have to pick at every line and go through in copious detail. On a personal level I don't think I could change a single word to express what I felt during this realtionship more. I realise it'll a lot less obvious to an outsider, but that I'll just have to accept.

I never felt so alone. There were never two people in this.

This is about the man I lost my virginity to.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • DinkyDiver gold member
    December 12, 2008

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    this really choked me and without reading your autor notes I could see it was an abusive relationship *hugs* although you may not want it but I have been here and I can sense that this was prob very difficult to write. you get it out girl!!!!

  • SurrenderMyHeart
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very heartbreaking poem, sorry you had to go through something like that. I hope for you for the future. And by the way your talented and it shows.


  • maktub
    September 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you don't hate him for what he did to you? Or? you emodied my emotions exactly...funny...sometimes...I think it's my fault, then other times...I think the guy is a bastard...no, it doesn't ever really go away, I don't think...it always keeps you thinking, its a dull ache that...sharpens your nerves.
    great write, heartfelt emotion.


  • bloodlustgirl
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    wow this poem honestly brought me to tears it reminds me of a few of my ex one gf and one bf in particular but anyway enouhg about me i love this poem your great keep up the good work ill be readin some more <3 bloodlustgirl


  • Velvet Rose Petals
    September 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I read your author notes first and might i say it choked me up. I am sorry you were in an abusive relationship. I think a lot of girls are but lose their voice before its too late.. There was another girl with a story similar to yours but she was lucky to have not been raped by her boyfriend.

    I know what you mean when you say people say it would stop hurting and that things would turn to normal.. but i am nto normal i cant walk by myself with out freaking out if someone is going to do something like that man did to me, or even worse. i get shivers down my spine and that will never go away..

    but wow, veyr powerful words.. good job! good at getting it out there and hopefully one day he will see these and he will be filled with so much guilt and it will haunt him the rest of his life.

    AMAZING
    Ros


  • broken-angel
    May 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    amazing poem hun xxx


  • vampire.lust.death
    November 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    sweet to the core

    awww a sweet sound of women and gref it was sweet and cool i love it


  • NicotineHeartbreak
    November 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Honey, this poem is A-MAZ-ING! I should read your stuff more often.

    x x


  • rawrbby
    June 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Clipping feathers from once white wings
    To cover my eyes

    was my favorite part. From your authors notes you say you wrote it for a contest, so was it not a personal experience? You did a good job with it, but if the emotions aren't real, then its not what I'm looking for. I've been through this abuse, along with so many other girls..and it does hurt. you did a wonderful job with the poem, filled with hurt and love and crying..


    • bigXfatXemo
      June 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Actually...

      ... yes, I wrote it for a contest, but these feelings are entirely real. This is about the man I lost my virginity too.


  • KissMeGoodnight
    May 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    haha i love this!
    'And training [my] tongue
    To stay put
    While I was p.u.t in place'
    thats rockin! AND
    i love how at the bottom you put 'FOR THE GLITTER HATERS' haha thats awesome, and nice to the ppl who dont understand it! i like it


  • Broken Machine
    May 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I loved it. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I'm here if you need to talk. Hope you do well in the contest!

1 - 12 of 12