Cold winds close around my nose
Causing me to sniffle that song of sneeze.
Rushing By me while I sleep,
The pleasure rises my chest in breeze.
My dreams turning themselves
Like a lick of twunderous breath.
Unfolding the my-thoughts
While submitting subconscious brain waves
to the souls of all who still make wishes.
All the while concentrating on what some
people call forever.
Longing for that forever to be sleep.
but in realization of Its cleverness
(That I truly do keep),
should of been really real, and Is ...
For I slept in silence that night,
For those peaceful drafts upon my nose,
Had kept away what was known as fright.
For the morning had to come Happy.
Author notes
Twunderous is my own made up name, meaning the same as wonderful ... put that word and my screen name together, and, that's what you get. I liked it, and it fit well in my poem.
A contest entry
- Time For You To Take A Chance ~ Round One by Tears and Raine.
320 points, ended January 26, 2008, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Cute new word yoou created from the joining of your name and wondrous. Good to have a complet night's sleep, makes all the difference in the world to how you feel the next day. Liked the flow and the images one sees when reading these lines.
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I really like the concept here, and the fact that you made up your ouwn word. This piece flowed really well, the words lept off the page. I also really liked the lines "Longing for that forever to be sleep.
but in realization of Its cleverness". Good job on this write. I hope you do well in your contest.
Keep up the good work.
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Well done.
It is good to read a happy poem. Well structured. Keep on writing. -
A Poem
Has to be awesome for me, if it contains the two words I love "sleep & dreams" I enjoyed this one.
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This is an amazing poem!
"My dreams turning themselves
Like a lick of twunderous breath.
Unfolding the my-thoughts
While submitting subconscious brain waves
to the souls of all who still make wishes.
All the while concentrating on what some
people call forever.
Longing for that forever to be sleep.
but in realization of Its cleverness
(That I truly do keep),
should of been really real, and Is ..."
I loved this! I read it aloud to myself and the whole feel of the poem was extremely appealing to me.
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This is so sensitive and bright! I like the freshness of imagery in this piece. Thanx for sharing it with us. Keep rocking!
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I like the words you used in this poem - "brain waves" painted me some interesting pictures. I enjoyed reading it! greetz, melo.
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"Concentrating on what some people call forever," I like that line. A contemplative piece, I enjoyed it. Good luck in the contest.
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Interesting write. What does 'twunderdous' mean? I liked your use of sibilance here, for example 'song of sneeze'. This is also a good metaphor. I liked your use of internal rhyme with 'close...nose'. Good luck in the contest.
Pozo
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Great job, I love this piece. I love anything to do with a good night's sleep...as I so infrequently have them anymore..
Cold winds close around my nose,
Causing me to sniffle that song of sneeze...I love those lines. Good luck!
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*add in between 'only' and 'sniffling' "person who can make"*
Note to self: never type with pretzal in left hand. lol.
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Lol. This is fantastic! I think you're the only sniffling in the night sound good.
Great work!
hugs,
Steph -
This is wonderful, truly unique. I think you misspelled thunderous but other than that this is terrific poem.
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