With each crystal raindrop,
Tears fall from my eyes,
Reminiscing my younger years.
Thinking of you,
My Grandfather,
My best friend,
You gave me the gift of riding horses.
As clouds roll by,
I see your face,
Smiling,
I feel you guarding my every move.
You were perfection to me,
Like the beauty of a storm,
The feeling of the fury released.
I cry tears of happiness,
Memories overwhelming,
Each flash of Mother Nature’s power,
For me creates a safe haven.
With each gust of warm wind,
I feel your touch,
My thoughts calm.
A storm bonds these memories,
It’s when you left this world.
I do not dare think of that night,
But of the relief I felt in my heart.
I felt it when you passed on,
The storm had taken your pain,
Offered you a better option,
You are now my Guardian Angel.
Author notes
This is my favourite poem because it expresses exactly how much I miss my Grandfather. He was a great man and a HUGE part of my life as a youngster.
My Grandfather died when I was just 14 years old and I miss him so much. I hope this is what you were after.
This poem got an Honourable Mention in the contest Emotions and Inspirations... by jazzerina. on May 19 2007.
This poem got 2nd in the contest ONLY PARTNERS IN CRIME CAN TAKE THE LOOT HERE!!! by Partners N Crime. on June 6 2007.
My Story
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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AWESOME
Your poem touched my hear. It was well written and has a flawless flow. Your grandfather was honored to have you write this. You speak well of him. What else really sums up a mans life if it isn't how others think of them.
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Wow :)
A Great write,
With each gust of warm wind,
I feel your touch,
My thoughts calm. - Loved this piece
a fitting tribute to your grandfather.
thank you for sharing this piece with us.
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Reminiscent
I am reading this in February 2008 ... my grandfather passed away in August last year, not many months after you wrote this. Although my grandfather didn't teach me to ride, he was always there to offer rides home from school or just a funny comment when something weird happened. Your write brought all of that back and, although I miss him tremendously, I wouldn't want him back in the way he was at the end.
Peace,
rose anne.
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I love this poem. My grandfather & I were really close, especially when I was young. he died when I was 15 of lung cancer. Reading this poem, reminds me of how much I miss him. Great job, this poem is beautiful. keep up the good work. the lines that touched me the most were:
With each crystal raindrop,
Tears fall from my eyes,
Reminiscing my younger years.
Thinking of you,
My Grandfather,
My best friend,
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this is very nice...i like this one'good luck in this contest!
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My nan and grandad were like my mum and dad to me ,i had a turbulent childhood and they were my rock that got me through some bad times.I was devastated when i lost them but as in your poem was also relived that they suffered no more.This is a beautful poem and dedication and i can relate to it in so many ways ,excellent poem!!
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Touching
I was fourteen when my grandfather died, he was my best friend so this really hit home. You did him proud, its hard to sometimes write for loved ones we've lost cuz we feel nothing will be good enough, my mother just passed away a few months ago and I wrote one for her, its kinda an emotional release. You expressed alot of emotion, I could tell you really loved him.
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Congratulations
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This was great
The judging is on....
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such amazing memories that we keep of those that have passed... fantastic write honey and i wish you all th best in your contests...
love
jen
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How wonderful that he was there for you and got you interested in riding - loved the sentiments you expressed so well in these lines and the flow and thoughts shared. Easy to read and understand how and why you miss him so.
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How lovely to have these kind of feeling for a grandparent, nice work! Best wishes in the contest
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What slightly scares me is that I felt that exact same thing. My grandfather died when I was five, and I remember that in my dream, there was a huge storm and he was struck by lightning. The next morning, my grandma told me he had died. He was important to me, too. You did make me feel. Thank you. Good luck.
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Title- I don’t know, it seems like you could have gone somewhere deeper with your title. Your title is sentimental and sweet, but borders on being cheesy or at best, overstated. You’ve got some really great things to portray in your poem. I would have liked to see an allusion to some of that in your title.
Fluency-the wording of the poem flows very nicely, almost like prose, but not so prose-like that it takes away from the “poetry” aspect. Smooth and soothing. I felt the THOUGHT flow was not quite as smooth --it seemed to jump around a bit. It seemed kind of random-like instead of planned and perfected. Maybe you intended that, for effect, I don’t know.
Imagery—the imagery was present, no doubt. I believe it would have benefited your poem to concentrate more on the imagery and the mood of the images than just stating so much outright.
Thoughts/Abstraction/Ideas—Nicely done. I like the crystal raindrops, that seemed kind of like eternally preserved memories. I also liked the idea of perfection being considered with fury released—seems counter-intuitive. Love it.
Emotion-you definitely did a good job in sharing your emotion with your reader. My main suggestion is that you do less stating things outright, and do more description. “Show, don’t tell.” In this way your reader can bring their own similar emotions into the piece, even if they haven’t necessarily experienced the same situation as you. When you state things outright, you isolate the application of your poem from a variety of readers. It can still appeal to the crowd that has shared your similar experience, but doesn’t resonate as was well with those who have not.
Overall Talent- Very good. You stayed right with the contest requirements and portrayed your experience and used the weather to compliment that experience. Your poem is sentimental and simplistic, and I mean both of those in a very good way. You capture your feeling well and help us to come along with you. I would have liked to seen some deeper use of poetic conventions and less storytelling, but that is most likely personal preference.
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Thank you
Thank you so much for your in depth comment on my entry I really appreciate it. I am sorry it wasn't upto scratch, I tried. I find it hard to write on demand sometimes and this was one of those times. Sorry again.
Countrybabe
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Yep! Grandpa's are Great!
Memories do hold so much emotion that we cherish and cary throughout our lives. Thanks for sharing this piece of your heart. (My memories of Grandpa were of playing the guitar and singing)
Good Luck in my contest!
Tang
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A very nice piece, good form and flow but I found the abstraction and imagry somewhat lacking in this piece. The emotion was wonderful and very tangible. A well written entry, but I think it needed just a little more depth. Hugs, Bunny
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Thank you
Thank you so much for your comment and applauses on my entry I really appreciate it. I am sorry my writing was not upto scratch this round, it's just that I find it hard to write on demand sometimes and this just happened to be one of those times. Sorry. Good luck with the judging.
Countrybabe
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I really enjoyed this. There is so much hearfelt emotion, that I could feel the love you had for your grandfather. Lovely, tender imagery. Thanks so much for sharing.
Gaylene
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Very goos--i am fortuante enough that my grandparents are still around--i can tell that this came from your heart and is very beautiful
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I understand exactly how you feel, my dear. I was very close to my own grandparents, very close. They were both killed in an auto accident in 1957, both in their early 60's... I was about 20 years old. I often remember my time spent with them as a child.
Your poem is very expressive of your emotions, your love for your grandfather shining through each line.
I wish you the best in the contest
Dee
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yes, this is exactly what I was looking for. you can really tell that you were close to your grandfather. you expressed the emotions perfectly in this poem. i <3 it! absolutely great job and good luck in the contest!
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Aw..this is such a wonderful tribute to your grandfather, showing how much you love and miss him...
It's lovely,
Good luck to you in the contest
XXJeannette
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Aw this is so very precious and heartfelt. You've done a wonderful job expressing yourself and feelings
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This is very heartfelt. Obviously a loss for you since he was involved in something you loved. Which you love to this day. Horses So he never died did he? I love the clarity of this poem, You put someone right in the seat next to you and you take them for a ride.
By the way I own a Appolousa and an old bony Morgan
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a really heartfelt poem, with gentle words and sincere emotions ... there is much softness and kindness in your lines, simplicity used to speak from the heart with honesty and humility ...
a very touching write,
maa
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Thank you
Thank you so much for your lovely comment and applauses on my poem I really appreciate it.
Countrybabe
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Sucha beautifully sad write!! Expressed with so much emotions that I am reminded of all the people that O have lost!! This is a tender write that flows into words that touch the heart and make one realise how much a person means to them!! I am sorry u had to lose a grandfather but as always he will be always there in our heart!
God bless!!
preets
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Overall this shows beauty in tragedy, which, what I feel you are always able to pen with your wonderful poems. Though, I feel the poem didn't get quiet "in the nook" or wasn't very powerful until the 4th stanza, it was a weak opening. Relating tears to rain is always cliché, but your phrasing on the topic was pretty good. Excellent flow and delicate imagery. After those first stanzas this poem was just dripping with heartfelt sentiments.
~Ryan~ -
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Thank you
Thank you for your comment on my entry I am sorry I disappointed you with the beginning of this poem. I tried is all I can say. I appreciate your honesty though. Good luck with the judging.
Countrybabe
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I'm sorry about your Grandfather, it is so hard to loose someone, and you miss them even if it happened a long time ago. This poem is beautiful, you made your emotion and pain so gentle. This piece flows beautifulness, and it is like you are just reminiscing on better times. Good luck.
Chelsea
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Wow... my grandfather died as well when I was fourteen and I've always been a grandpa's girl... I've still got 2 grandpa's and any friend knows I'm a grandpa's girl. Great write... I related... very well... except for the horse part. Rock on! xoxo Meg
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excellent
how touch is this writing i lost my grandfather a lot younger
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awwwwwwwwwwwww this is so full of love I could feel it all with each and every word you penned how much you love and miss him... great job good luck in contest this was awesome dear poet
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beautiful
this is a really good one. thanks for reminding me what family really means
wonderful job -
Excellent
It was so heartwrenching and staright-from-the-heart. Very beautiful and remarkably written. really really flows well, and is a charmer to read! best of luck in da contest, i m sure u ll win! keep the pen rolling, lots and lots of love and cheers, shuvi
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I FEEL YOUR PAIN
RELAX AND LET YOU MEMORIES SOOTH OUT THE STRESS AND CALMY YOUR FRETS, THE SHOCK IS THE HARDEST IN SOME IT DIES TAKE LONGER SOON A SPARK WILL FLICKER AND YOU WILL FEEL THE LOVE AND JOY . WHEN YOU TALK WITH OTHERS YOU ALL WILL MAKE HIM THE GREATEST. THE BEST PART OF IT ALL WHAT YOU LIVED WITH HIM YOU KEEP THEIR YOURS FOR KEEPS NOBODY CAN KNOW HIM THE WAY YOU DID. THAT IS THE BEST PART OF IT ALL.TELL THIS TO YOUR LITTLE ONES ONE DAY, AND MAKE SURE THEY HAVE THESE KIND OF SPECIAL MEMORIES. THESE ARE BLESSING WE GIVE TO EACH OTHER.
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Thank you
Thank you for your lovely comment and applauses on my newest piece I really appreciate it.
Countrybabe
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Nawr this was truely beautiful (my favourite verse, the opening, was very powerful). This piece penned alot of emotion within you, I really enjoyed reading it, even if it made me sad.
Very heartfelt, you have a lovely way of putting your feelings out there.
Well done. Such a relative piece for others to confide in and enjoy.
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Thank you
Thank you darlin for your lovely comment on my newest piece I really appreciate it.
Love
Countrybabe
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Wonderful write! Your love and affection for your grandfather is clearly reflected. It takes an even more unselfish kind of love to let go of someone that you love dearly, and be thankful because the suffering is over,,,as is in the verse I do not dare think of that night, But of the relief I felt in my heart. Good luck
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Thank you
Thank you so much for your lovely comment on my newest piece I really appreciate it.
Countrybabe
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You are so good with this freeverse stuff.
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Awww
Awww thank you baby.
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Hi, I'm Nicolas and i' m worried about my grand father, in fact, is in a retirement home and every time i go to see him he don't do nothing, is social live is not really ecxiting and he is becoming angry! I've heard about Play Therapy but do you have any forum that talk about this and do you know if it could be good for him to participate to one these therapy?
I've heard about this website : http://www.playtherapy.biz/
What do you think of this!
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