I hate the way I feel today
Drowning, Drowning
In a puddle of rain
Can’t see the stars in skies so grey
Drowning, Drowning
In a puddle of rain
Feel the earth shift under the weight
Falling, Falling
In a deep pit of hate
Can’t see the light, its far too late
Falling, Falling
In a deep pit of hate
I bleed the truth, blood runs for you
Crying, Crying
From my open wounds
Can’t see relief as it tears through
Crying, Crying
From my open wounds
Feel the ocean swallow the sun
Freezing, Freezing
In darkness I run
Can’t see the end, where we are one
Freezing, Freezing
In darkness I run
I twist inside in spiral mesh
Burning, Burning,
From my blazing flesh
Can’t see the water to refresh
Burning, Burning
From my blazing flesh
Feel the dirt covering my face
Lying, Lying
In my resting place
Buried alive, final disgrace
Lying, Lying,
In my resting place
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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woot!
this was a dark piece! >.< filled with angst, and sorrow and agony! i feel the pain you've portrayed very well here with your amazing choice of words! i like the repetitions too... it was all just magical! keep penning!
AWESOME!
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The repetition of certain words really helped the power of this poem. Awesome write, nice job!
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I'm intrigued to know how you chose the title for this poem because I can't see how it relates to it.
This has to be one of the most unusual formats I've come across tonight but I think it works very well for this kind of work. The repetition of the lines in each stanza reinforce very well what has been stated.
Dark poety is the style I would normally chose to read but I'm glad I came this way because the rhyme and flow of this poem are very good and made it an excellent read for me.
PS - Check out the Raven contest (20,000 points and cash)
coming to Allpoetry this June.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/2664728
. Rewarded 8
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The title
It is called Broken Dishes as a metaphor for the human heart. Once a dish is broken, it can be glued together, but a jagged line will always remain. A heart can mend, but the scar lasts a lifetime. The poem was written to represent our frailty.
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awesome poem. it was great. I LOVE IT!! =]
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Powerfull
I really thought that this poem was cool and well-worth reading to say the least.... I notice that you have a talent for self-expression in your writing. I checked out your file and thought the looks of your other poems were cool as well. Keep it up!
. Rewarded 6
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There are a lot of emotions flowing here and you have captured them and presented them well. There was a time when I would not have squandered my time and energies on reading poetry that was grim and somber in nature such as this. I have since discovered that every visionary has something to infer and their own flavor or spice to add to the thoughts that so many of us do in fact share. I appreciate the creativity you have infused within the lines broadcast here at Allpoetry and the effort it took to voice them. I am glad I chose to read this as I would have missed a real treat.
♥ Touchof1der
. Rewarded 8
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I thought it was good. I especially liked how you repeated yourself in your stanza. I thought that gave a nice effect. It was good altogther.
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this was a great poem in many ways...I loved how each stanza brought forth a different emotion allowing the reader to have a bit more insight as we continued on this journey with you. thanks for sharing. Peace and light, Kendal
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