Roses are red
Well, at least some are
If you give me a rose
you give me a scar
Please bring me no flowers
Sing me no song
For they leave me nothing
to hold once you're gone
I'm not like the others
I don't like the scent
And you don't need to say it
Everyone is bent
But when did it happen?
What year? What day?
When I was child...
was I this way?
Remember your first
First ever-heard poem?
About roses and violets?
I made up my own:
Some roses are red
Why are violets bleu?
Have their hearts been broken?
...Did they love you, too?
Author notes
I know this is rough, most of what I write is. I enjoy writing, even if it's not all that great. Also, I wrote a piece like this a few years ago, and I can't find it now, so I just wrote a new one. I hope to find it someday, though. The end of this write is how the one I lost ended. I liked that idea I had. Thanks for reading!
To the contest judges... hope I didn't waste your time with this one.
In a list
A contest entry
- Bouquet of Thorns by Never Fall in Love.
1750 points, ended May 17, 2007, 45 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Say what you will
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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okay..i didn't understand your line about "everyone is bent" but I do love the rest of the poem, especially your last stanza that provides such a unique take on the old rhyme!
WWW*
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I know what you're saying about changing from being younger. I love the ending--I love the twist...so creative! Glad I got to read this. Keep writing!!
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I really love this one. I like the second stanza. Just wonder if it should have 'with' nothing. In the second line. Do you think?
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I can see why you might want "with" put in there, but I think it works fine the way it is, and I think the meter is better the way it is. Thanks for the suggestion, though. I do like suggestions because sometimes I really don't know what I'm saying, haha. Take care.
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hey there lady this is really good My fav. part is the last portion. Very good I also realy liked the fourth portion. IT was great
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so - you've taken something most of us are so familiar with and put a twist to it to reflect contrary feelings than those we would reflect upon through the child-like verses of "roses are red". I like this one a lot. You have clear imagery, a pretty solid meter and you get your story told in this with an ending that ties up all of the other thoughts into a neat little package.
I think the only place in the poem really that the meter threw me off was with the verse with "no love song". the word "love" does say so much in this piece in that verse, but your expressions throughout the rest of the poem do imply how much you are being hurt as well (especially in the conclusion). I think you can get away with taking out the "love" part and have it as "sing me no song" - based on the rest of that stanza and the poem itself, the love that you are questioning is implied elsewhere. (It does work as it is now - it's just a preference with that one heavy syllable that might have this seem like the smallest "nip" is needed.)
I'm always so glad to come to your writing and feel myself jumping into another person's world that has me thinking, enjoying the verses, liking to find you through them.
Kimmie
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Thanks, Sweetheart. I took your advice. Your comments are always appreciated as they are insightful and heartfelt. Thanks.
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