Where was the tear
The split the stare,
In some child's pocket
Carrying fairy tales,
And I could do with a locket of her hair,
for luck, or just for beauty's sake
Because I am naked;
Standing in the square,
Underneath the city stair.
Unaware any more of who I was,
Were. No Bare. Like a babe,
Mewling, candle lit and crying,
Before caring, you understand,
I just need. Bawling,
Spay faced cow in the morning,
Waiting, looking out over the fence,
But of course you can see it’s greener
Not of failure, no, the death of the dream,
The backwards seam, you’ll see it—
Over the mountain too,
When it doesn’t matter anymore,
And sneer as if it were up, you know,
Up, like little pills, or a big cock to control,
Well now, so, are we both bitter already
Or is it just soul?
Author notes
Written July 26th, 2003
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1 - 16 of 16
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An interesting write.
I liked your use of close rhyme and repeated syllables. I also like your sense of rhythm in this poem.
Over the mountain... Ozzy reference?
Oh, and painkillers suck, don't do man made chemicals, for the love of god! -
nice
wow i cant belive I understood that very great write I give it an 8/10 great job -
Bravo, dear poet! I love contemporary poetry, and I must admit, I'm also a sucker for imagery as unique as this. My favorite lines were these:
Where was the tear
The split the stare,
In some child's pocket
Carrying fairy tales,
And I could do with a locket of her hair,
for luck, or just for beauty's sake
Waiting, looking out over the fence,
But of course you can see it’s greener
Not of failure, no, the death of the dream,
The backwards seam, you’ll see it—
Excellent work; I cannot voice it enough, the pleasure it gives me to read such a masterpiece.
Take care and good luck in all you do!
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the crowd goes wild
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awesome
I'm not sure what this poem means but I like it
It's definitely different, unique, everything flows together wonderfully weird. "Controlling big cocks" LMAO! Woo-hoo!
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She always makes me think of green, moss green. And she has fairy tales in her pocket and she makes me laugh and cry at the same time because she is hard and soft and everything at once. And I have made your poem into a person which it probably isn't. Both the poem and the person (my person) make me look at things in a whole different way and see the beauty of abstracts even when I don;t understand them. I tried to go through the back door and not use your points but I couldn't find the poem.
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each line is simple and soft but put them all together and what a piece of intricacy i'm not sure what it means but i don't care...it's just too good
i applaud the poet and the poem
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Well, I suppose this is good. It has all those special Lute-tious rhymes and such ..of course, I like the lock of hair bit.. and mewling is a perfect poem word.
I don't like spay faced cows looking to control big cocks in greener pastures though, but hey, I'm moderately insane so what the hell do I know.
luv ya xx cville xx
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this is amazing - so lonely but so prettyly written!
keep writing cos this is amazing!
luv ya kaz xx -
I deeply enjoyed this...there is something about the image of being naked, of being laid bare, and then when you add in the subtle abstractness, it gives it even MORE layers to play around with. This had a confused softness, an enduring vulnerbility, and a sandpaper-blush finish that colored the cheeks and illuminated the mind. Exceedingly well done.
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and I forgot to add-it was a perfect name..loved the title!!!
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wow--very interesting..many different emotions, feelings, and even meanings..so enjoyed!!!~jag~
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Reads like a true dream or fantasy. Well written piece. Irene
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I read this because it had my name in it, but then self obsession is such an ugly... I read this past the first four lines all the way through, and then back again twice, but then poetry like this is such a beautiful (and lonely) and beautiful, beautiful -
This is a trip and my eyes were blinking but my body thought "yes".
Brilliant. -
MUCHHHHHHHHH better
Val
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She must have very long hair, if you can cover yourself with just a locket. Sense of longing trying to hide in there... ~~~Val
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