My Heart is racing,
My mind is too.
I try to run
but they pursue.
All around
they fill my view.
I won't believe
it can't be true.
Late at night
they creep the streets
on the prowl
for brains to eat.
They keep it fresh
in Abercrombie.
Whats left to say
They're TEENAGE ZOMBIES!!!
Mindless freaks
who know what's best.
They crush the skull
and leave the rest.
Eternal hunger,
endless quest.
These zombie teens
are quite the pest.
Author notes
Hate and Lies
A contest entry
- O.o Anything Goes o.O by vampireblood.
430 points, ended May 26, 2007, 76 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything And Everything Dark by KittieLyyn.
405 points, ended May 10, 2007, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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hll n
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persue should be pursue & I wouldn't bother with the periods
so there you go, now that I've torn apart your entire poem
best of luck in the contest babe!
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If by torn apart you mean made incredibly more fluent, then yes you to tore it apart. Your feedback was greatly appreciated.
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'these zombie teens"
are quite the pests -
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Sweet, thanks. Any more suggestions?
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I won't believe
"It can't be true"
flows better than "must be untrue"
eternal hunger
"endless quest" vs. "neverending quest"
there are more, but you must be sick of me by now.
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No please if you have any suggestions please feel free to make them. You're good a this... much better than me.
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woohoo *screaming* i like this write. it is so true....
*denika*
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Thanks
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This was quite the interesting piece, there was only one part of this that seemed out of place, it was Abercrombie. Other then that I liked it. Nicely done. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
~~~Vampy~~~ -
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The abercrombie part does seem a little out of place but its the only part that makes them teens. I also feels it turns the peice from simply a poem to a comment on teens today.
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Good job, boyo. Ick. Zombiiiiieeeeeessssss!!
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Thanks girlie.
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no i dont think they could you did grate
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Thanx
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This is something else its good but what made you wont to wright it.
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I was recently on a road trip and I was listening to "hunting humans" by the misfits. Its a song insipred by night of the living dead and then "teenage zombies" popped into my head. At first I thought it would be a sweet band name, but then I figured it would also make a rad song, but someone else could probably write something better than what I came up with.
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