Reaching out to touch the wings of time
that flew by faster than I saw;
my memories trashed in the filthy grime
that deprecate each shallow flaw
of this heart that blooms pallid in the rain
to sense the gentle touch of flows.
I dream of the colors to vivify this domain
that I painted with my fading woes.
This colorless land of my fading years
is but a memory of who I was.
My eternal penchant for these briny tears
is against my own lifelong laws.
If I had not taken this onus to walk on,
would I have another way to go?
By each moment I wish I would get upon
those wings I abandoned years ago.
And still today I remain an itinerant soul
who cannot let go of the hope,
of reaching the far days of my own control.
I’m still walking on thin rope.
Let me spread my wings…
Let me fly…
To the uniting of the rings
of goodbye.
© Janniina Hentilä
May 9, 2007
Author notes
I honestly don't know what to say about this other than I screwed it up... I had this wonderful idea but my headache didn't let me remember it to the end...
Well, this poem is mainly about loosing the love of your life and not being able to go on after that. You keep staring at the ring in your hand and suddenly time has gone by and all you have left are the few memories. Then you just end up old and wishing you could turn back time and live it all again. *shrugs*
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#2)Entry in the contest:
"2nd Chance for the GOLD" by Malicai.
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#1) Entry in the contest:
"For A Few Of My Favorite Poets (INVITE ONLY)" by -Ink Artist-.
The words I used:
1. deprecate
70. vivify
71. penchant
79. onus
100. itinerant
A contest entry
- For A Few Of My Favorite Poets (INVITE ONLY) by -Ink Artist-.
900 points, ended May 25, 2007, 2 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GO for the Gold~ 2nd Chance ~ Sorry Closing earlier then planned~ by Florida Sunshine.
800 points, ended May 30, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn your Silver into Gold! by Celticpoet.
300 points, ended June 9, 2007, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you think - be as bold as you can; I don't break.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I think anyone who enters a contest where they give you words to use~ are brilliant! I stand in awe of most of the poet~ You did a FANTASTIC JOB! Thanks so much for entering my 2nd chance contest!
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I like using words given to me because it challenges me to write a story with the words of another person and still make it of myself. It's more difficult than just another poem - at least for me - and I love a challenge.
Thanks for your kind words; they mean a lot to me
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You did an excellent job with the challenging words given... so why the shrugs? lol
Your poem is emotionally moving to the heart as we all have wished at some point to relive or do over some part of the choices we made from our past. The pain that comes from loss of love can make us feel that time is has no meaning when suddenly, we realize so much time has passed on dreams of what could have been.
You did an excellent job, headache and all with this poem!
A beautiful emotional entry for this contest!
Well done!
I wish you all the best in the contest!
Jasminerose
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The shrugs? I'm just extremely critical when it comes to my own work... *shrugs* lol
I'm very glad that you like this piece after the work I went through to get it in order and your kind words mean the world to me. Thank you for the words, the aplauds and the big smile on my face lol
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a good piece of poetry penned here - it is always good to see people playing with language inside poetry's folds
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lol
Well, I do like playing with the language when it comes to poetry... And as English is only my second language, it makes it even more fun. Challenges like this is a great way to learn and I like that.
Thank you for your kind words; they mean the world to me
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Painfully emotional piece! You used your given words well to describe the hurt we suffer from loss of love. Good flow of thoughts throughout and the ending stanza is a powerful and perfect ending. Thanks for your entry!
My apologies for taking so long to begin judging this contest. Life has been slapping me around the last two weeks and not allowing much time to be online.
~Lori
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No rush... I have no rush in an already made world... lol
I'm glad that this piece came out as it was supposed to as I wasn't too sure about it (as I've said too many times already). Thank you for your kind words; they mean the world to me
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Let me spread my wings…
Let me fly…
To the uniting of the rings
of goodbye.
thats my favorite part of this poem, you did a great job, keep it up -
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I'm getting this feeling the last stanza is everyone's favorite... lol
Thanks for your words; they mean a lot to me, as you know
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Oh my! This poem is good, I loved the ending stanza, it was the shortest but had the most impact. I wish you well in this competition, I think you will do good
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Thank you for your words. I wasn't sure if I'd put the last stanza there in the first place so I'm very glad to know that it worked well. And now I'm very glad that I actually put the stanza there in the first place... lol
Thank you for your comment, the applause and your kind words; they all mean a lot to me.
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