Andy Lawrence awoke in a sweat with last week’s agitation churning bitterly in his empty stomach.
His recent fall from grace had been swift and absolute - leaving no space for rebirth or salvation. The fragmented memory only held too much partying, too many drinks, and too much rain. He hadn’t intended to lose control, but intentions were irrelevant in the afterthought. (The blame lay elsewhere anyways.)
Slowly dressing himself in proper mourning garments, Andy donned a few modest tears and joined the grieving procession at St. Mark’s.
“Today we remember Jimmy Lawrence; his life cut short by drunk driving.”
Author notes
you can comment... i'm not much of a story writer...
A contest entry
- Dribble a Drabble V by Elrenia.
925 points, ended May 14, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I loved the line "donned a few modest tears". Beautiful
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For the most part, this is well formed. I especially like the way you have ended it. You have done a better job than you may think.
A couple of niggles: the biggest one being the line:
"He hadn't intended on losing control...". Very awkward. "He hadn't intended to lose control..."
I would set the line "(the blame lay elsewhere...)" in its own sentence: (The blame lay...)"
I would also suggest beginning a new paragraph with the line: "His recent fall...".
Overall, you have met most of the requirements of a drabble.
Well wishes in the contest.
Thank you for sharing.
rous
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