Ambling through the dark alleys of sorrow,
Unceasingly flowed my teary brine,
Had lost all hope of a happy tomorrow,
If it hadn't been for you, my li'l ray of sunshine;
Joy, pleasure had lost all meaning,
No possession, no emotion considered mine,
No word can expound what I was feeling,
But then you entered my life, my li'l ray of sunshine;
Had long forgotten what was meant by bliss,
Fate had crafted my way - awry designs,
A piece of my jigsaw was always amiss,
Until you came my way, my li'l ray of sunshine!
A contest entry
- Lyrical Love by Meyeryakov.
300 points, ended May 17, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Duana-A Very Close Friend Of Mine (all will win in this) by hose30.
470 points, ended October 26, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I liked the whole ray of sunshine deal. I thought you got this out perfectly. I bet that person feel great inside.I know it probably made duana feel great also. Great job and I wish you well in the contest.
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wow, this is simply wonderful. This must make the person you wrote it for feel incredible, and warm inside. this is true friendship!
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A beautifully written poem! I love the rhyme and flow of this. You have done super job here! It's lighthearted and put a smile on my face.
Thanks so much for sharing
Gaylene
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thnx for the comment.. it means a lot!
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ok
ok this has absolutely nothing to do with what the criteria of my contest is. this is feeling none the less but it has nothing at all to do with looking into someones eyes and the feeling that you get there as. it's a good poem yes, but i can't let you stay in my contest for not meeting my criteria. i'm sorry. -
The rhyme is great, and the lightheartedness is lovely. I would work a little bit on the rhythm. Try reading it out loud to see where it is lyrical and where it flows less well. Lovely poem.
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Another great write here. Love the repition at the end of each verse, really brings this write together. Enjoyed the first line, it really drew me in and loved the flow.
Thanks for sharing this - its really changed my mood on a strange kinda day like today.
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hey! thnx for the great comment.. its been such a long time since i heard frm u,.. lots and lots of luv and cheers, shuvi
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