Walking down this well of feelings
through tinted alleys and clouded lanes
where short bursts of street-lamp clutter
shatter the moonlight's proximity.
A dead rhythm of church
montage answers incapable prayers.
But nothing hears his feet sinking,
down the stomached valley,
each stabbing slump of a heartbeat
feeding his seething lungs
lunging out, splutters and gasps
that only this paralyzed night understands.
What has he clutched safe left hand
but a dirtied vodka bottle that
he dares to throw, he dares
to catch and pushing the verge he'd dare
to smash.
That loyal companion that broke the latch
and left him down this well.
Those bubbling waters arose
and scolded each collective friend,
his manner tempered, obtuse
with each un-provoked gash of abuse
pushing away life-felt bonds.
'No regrets,' the only thought
stubborn enough to excuse his overkill.
'Never needed them anyway', he dips
retrospect, 'never needing
the smiles they pass interim',
they made it quite clear they'll never need him.
Author notes
The well is metaphorical - don't let this confuse the setting. Although it is in third person, it represents a very real, recent event.
A contest entry
- Let It All Out by BeautifulDisaster9.
525 points, ended May 10, 2007, 21 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Sad
In the self destruction from ones who are lost in a pit of pain from abuse and the only thoughts of childhood are laced with pain . Leaving a shell of life without form and those about him not seeing the man within but the body of discust called his appearance . Finding he is treated the same by all he draws within and slowly dies
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Wow this was an amazing read. You filled your poetry with such in depth and perceptive words that it holds the reader captive until they finish your poetry. Which all in all makes to be a wonderful poet. You have a wonderful way with words and imagery and I cannot wait to read more of your work. Nicely done!
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Deep
I find this very meaningful and amazing. Sometimes someone will push every one away when they need them the most and this poem shows that.
Great Job, no wonder why you got a bronze trophy!
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This is a very strong piece, overall the poem was very well written, it was an enjoyable read. It was a beautiful piece, yet painful as well.
~~~Vampy~~~ -
You have penned some very strong and descriptive emotions. You brought forth real, raw feelings that allow people to relate to you. Good Job all around! This poem has such a powerful impact from start to finish, one that tugs and torments the heart and soul... a familiar feeling brought out here. This is a beautifully written piece... painful, yet gorgeous in its language.
♥ Touchof1der
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Definitely full of emotion and movement. A very well crafted piece. I enjoyed reading this - thank you. Stephanie x
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i like this. i really like that photo. the beginning was stronger, for me. the first two stanzas - seem to sum that photo up quite nicely - emotional and well penned. but overall, a good job with writing this. enjoyed the read.
blu
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Thanks a lot Blu - it's not written about the picture however, I just used it to accompany because that was the closest view to what I was accounting. I see it may seem fairly confusing from the second stanza on if it were describing the pic.
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awesome...really great writing...this is a real show of your talent. I loved the picture you chose to go with it. thank you for sharing. peace and light always ina ll ways, Kendal
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I have to agree with the other reviewers..You are an amazing writer. This piece spoke to me--Every masterfully placed line! Best wishes in the contest ~Pastel
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For some reason my computer is not letting me add you to the finalist's list. It is showing your name where my name should be as contest host on this page with your poem on it, I shall keep trying though, for you deserve to be in the finalists.
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Ok thank you very much for your applause and effort
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Amazing.
A wonderful metaphorical piece. I loved it. You are an amazing writer. I applaud you. It painted such a clear picture of emotion, I nodded my head as I read along. Well done.
Thanks for entering and best of luck!
<3BeautifulDisaster9
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