(Pleiades)
Tantalizing it is
to tread upon the path
tended by God in his
tenderness for all his
tempestuous children.
Teach us, oh God, how we
truly can be like you.
©2007
Author notes
Pleiades
A contest entry
- Pleiades Picture Competition V by ShelleyA.
525 points, ended May 19, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Good title. Perfect form. Lovely flow and tone. Lovely depth of feeling. Good word choice and alliteration. Nice assonance. Prayerful. Your faith shines through in this piece. Thank you for your entry. Shelley
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Thank you for taking the time to comment.
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Love the title, though tranquility is not the feeling I get from the poem. I like the image of the path carefully treaded, that's lovely. Two things I would change: put a comma behind God, and replace treading by 'to tread', that's just slightly stronger. Oh, and you have a typo in tempestuous. Interesting take on the picture. Good luck in the contest.
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Thank you for commenting. And, for the suggestions. Both were correct.
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I think this is a beautiful write. I wish you the best in the contest. Your title goes perfectly with the picture.
Sam
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Thank you. I greatly respect your opinion.
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