Spotted feather in the wind;
a whispering sea-spray dream.
Our love is free and flying
over tidal pools’ sweet gleam.
Spotted feather in your hands;
a destiny mottled weak.
Our love is falling, failing,
with every word we speak.
Spotted feather at my feet;
to show flying days are done.
Our love like coloured clouds
that melt with the setting sun.
Spotted feather in the wind;
your wishes are not for me.
Sea-spray heals primeval wounds
and I pray we both go free.
Author notes
achkk, i haven’t done rhyme in aaaages. bear with me, okay?
A contest entry
- biggest contest in allpoetry history! (i hope) need 1,000 entries!! by Gasp.
1300 points, ended July 11, 2007, 638 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical comments are most welcome.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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ah the wind and the sea flying love pleasantly, there's a wave under me as i - bang!
who's got the gun 
lol a good poem, good rhyme and flow.
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whoopie!
uh..let me start of by saying this flowed well
kept a steady heart rate the whole way but theeen BAM!!
right there in the third stanza there was a little cliche poking its head out saying HELLO!!
not that I realy mind...haha..I was way to over dramatic with that..but uuh
yea
"Spotted feather at my feet;
to show flying days are done."
funny how my favorite part was before my least favorite part...the repeating usage of this magical spotted feather really kept me waiting at the doorstep there...it got more and more intense as it went along just word after word dripping down the page and PLOP right into my eye..I enjoyed it..very much..I felt like someone sprayed me with a water hose and had it on mist..refreshing (as much as I hate to use that word)
buuutt...yea...great write..and I realy hate when I ramble on and on like this..sorry
goood nighty
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Haha, you've such a funky way of describing my poem.
Thanks for the comment & I'll see if I can think up some adequate way to murder that cliche. Curse those cliches.
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oh my
dont you dare!
cliche's arent really a bad thing..I hate it when people tell me to change things in my poems..I believe if you write it one way it should stay like that...so yea..keep it...it doesnt really take away the "slip slod" wonderness of the poem
slip slod?
aaah phooey -
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If truth be told I wasn't planning on changing it anyway.
But I'll keep it in mind for the next poem. 
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mhm
I misunderstood
when you said you'll think of a way to murder the cliche I thought you meant you were going to change it
and so I though.."now we wouldnt want that"
"goops" on my part
haha
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First one for me.
Haven't read a rhymer from you yet, but would defiantly like to read more. Refreshing flow and an easy topic but defiantly portrayed great. Keep up the good work.
Ryan
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