I hear you creeping
outside my door,
go away, leave
I'm not your whore.
Since I was a child
you've invaded me.
How old was I?,
Oh yes... I was three.
I ran to my mother
as always before.
She'd make it better
and soothe me
once more.
But the pattern got old
night after night.
Soon I just layed there,
no struggle, no fight.
Through adolescence
and puberty too,
everywhere I've been
there's always been you.
You followed me through Georgia,
Texas and Tennessee.
Finally I met a man,
please let me be.
Soon we were married,
my husband, my life.
I know you were angry,
no longer your wife.
With someone else to
share my bed, you
left for a while....
I thought you were dead.
What a facade!
How wrong could I be,
you return yet again
invading his sleep.
He wakes from his slumber
to my frightening scream
Please go away....
My Elusive Dream!
Author notes
This is actually about a recurring dream/nightmare
that I've had since childhood. I don't have it as often as I once did, but every now and then it invades my sub-conscious mind. It always leaves me soooo tired...I'm running through my whole dream trying to get away from a man and I know if he captures me, he's going to pull my teeth!(lol)...
I can only assume that this was brought on by one of my traumatic trips to the dentist.
In a list
A contest entry
- ACTION, SUSPENSE......any form will do. Give us a great story that will keep us guessing and an end that is totally unexpected by PassionsPromise.
650 points, ended July 3, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - gimme your worst nightmares!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Life Is A Game.
420 points, ended July 7, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - It was all a dream... or was it? by TwiztidMaggot.
600 points, ended January 13, 2008, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - poems with impact by know one.
380 points, ended March 6, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
-
This is pretty good. I like how you put it into words. I love the imagery in it. keep it up! best of luck in my contest. and thanks for your entry.
Crimson -
wow! awesome
-
Wow glad you said something in your notes, i was soooo looking in another direction here. Well penned, kept one in tune with something else. when in reality is was never the beginning thought..LOL did i confuse you??? lmao thanks for entering and best of luck to you
-
well thought well writ well done
great mystery - good ending
-
I Loved This
! Good luck in the Contest!
-
Wow, and this entire time I thought it was about being raped. Oh, my! Anyway, good job on keeping me in unknowing suspense. The rhyme scheme falters in a couple places, but the flow compensates for that mostly. Besides, in a poem like this, too flowy makes it awkward. Nice job, poet!
P.S. You inspired me to write about me recurring dream. I'll send you the link when I post it.
-
well the rhyme was a little off in places but for the most part the flow was enjoyable and a good write. To me- it is quite creepy... good job
-Ativan
-
Hehe this again is awesome and it has a great twist I would never have guessed it was a dream! Fantastic, keep it up, I love the rhyme and rhythm as always x take care x
-
DReams are crazy aren't they!? This is a wonderfully dark, descriptive poem which I enjoyed immensely. I loved it! Stephanie
-
cool :)
omg i never saw taht comeing
taht was a really good poem,
well done
<3 -
Great
This is a really good write. I like how you push to show the fear of the dream. It makes it sound more realistic with the word choice you chose. Keep it up!
-
WOW
I hope you didn't have to deal with that happening to you.... I pray with all my might. ~ and if not wow, you made me feel what it was like for the girl ... Blown away! This is really good! I still hope it diddn't happen... Damn ~ I actually get anger as I think of the lines you wrote, it is most powerful piece ~ .... Wow... is all i can say.
-
Before I read your author note I thought this poem was about something much darker. I'm happy to hear that, as bad as it may be, this is about nothing more than a nightmare. I was worried. Nice write though, you really had be enthralled the whole way through.
-
It sounded at first like you were an exploited child but as I read on, I got the impression of rape. Great job in your poem. ^-^ You lead me off guard which was pretty awesome. I was sad and worrisome at first but when it said dream, I relaxed a little but I'm sorry that dream keeps occurring. Great Job in descriptions.
-
What a kickass poem............... Very well written indeed. At first, I thought it was about child abuse, then that last line made everything come together. Thank you for sharing.
-
Wow i love this. This is so awsome. I really liked how you began this. I also loved your ending. It was so good. Nicely Penned. Always keep writing.
-
-
Thanks for your nice feedback....glad you enjoyed it! : )
-
-
I think the comment below where he says "it's about someone trying to pull your teeth" That's not the case. You don't know from where the dream originates, you're just assuming based on aspects of your dream. It's all conjecture though.
(however I will admit...the dentist can easily become a nightmare, in and out of the chair!)
It read quick, I didn't lose interest, and my favorite part is when you describe your husband being awoken by this (entity) of sorts...and it all comes together nicely when you realize it was a dream that your personified.
I will say this...the personification was weird, and I questioned it in parts before I finished, but at the same time it's very clever.
And I enjoyed reading it. Well done.
-
-
Thanks for taking the time to read giving me some feedback on my writing and my author's notes. As I explained in my author notes, I didn't entitle this piece My Elusive Dream, because I wanted you, the reader, to be misled....
Also,no I don't know where my dream originated from, that's why I stated assumed....thanks you : )
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
