Tattered blanket
dirty bib
roaches crawling
baby crib.....
Crud caked nipple
sour milk
cradle cap
hair of silk
Dirty diapers
fecal floor
eviction notice
on the door
Mattress bare
baby's mother
laying there
glassy eyes
icey stare
Cat hair blankets
everywhere
stench of piss
fills the air
Baby's cry
small and
weak
cigarette burns
soles of feet
Empty fridge
reefer crumbs
budweiser cans
dead beat
bums
Social worker
911....
call police
arrest this
scum!
Author notes
How To Save A Life>>>>>>> a day in the life of a social worker
In a list
A contest entry
- Raven Qualifier - Dark: Anger, Angst and Goth by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 124 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All Time Favorite! by Mezclita.
600 points, ended October 13, 2007, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tolerance and Child Abuse Prevention: Stop Child Abuse: May Contest by Page Shut down.
600 points, ended June 6, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 49 of 49
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I just want to cry reading this
♥
Thank you for your entry in the May Tolerance & Child Abuse Prevention Stop Child Abuse Contest
Stay safe
~Manda
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very poignant piece you have written here, the meaning is clearly important and well stated, good write Thanks for your entry and good luck to you in the contest.
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You mean Britney Spears? oops sorry fans... i do feel for her but she had her chances... how very sad for such unfortunate kids! thanks 4 brining us to the attention of this in your write... that's exactly why I only plan to become a mother like when I turn 40 or something... lol
no j/k...
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My gosh your work is so vivid! I can't believe this..im speechless. I've done social work..and this depicts so much. you are an artist
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thank you
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I think it describes well how depression falls poverty to unclean living
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I think the author of this poem has created a monster of some reality of life. This picture is so true in some family homes, if you can cal them that, not only in America but all round the world. This poem is very thought provoking because so many of us here these horror stories on the news and wonder why little if nothing is done about people who abuse their children is such a manner.
The layout of this poem gives it a fast flow which and the content produces plenty of interest to keep the readers attention to the end. Personally I think that although the subject is pretty gross the poem is good and will be well received by a large audience.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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Okay, now speak of this through God's mouth. I wanna hear why he's watching all this and not doing anything.
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this is beautiful. when im older i actually want to become a social worker and help save someones life maybe. great poem. good luck in the contest and keep writing
Thank You For Entering -
this is great write ...thankyou
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I would have removed the last verse - I don't think it is a bad verse, or doesn't fit in - I just felt, perhaps strangely it was a personal view that maybe intruded, which considering the personal nature of the piece might seem odd.
I thought that what went before was written with skill and image - the last verse sort of fell short.
That said, very vivid piece, I love the way you have constructed the verse, short, but with plenty of bite.
A really good piece.
(P.S I am an unqualified social worker - working in a needs led assessment environment).
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Thank you
for your comments. I am not a social worker, I work with offenders in the dept of corrections, this was my interpretation of an offenders house upon entering for arrest of probation violation. However, the social worker was the one who alerted authorities to the situation..,this mother died of a self-induced drug overdose a few months after her release, the last stanza is there to shine a little light on the darkness of the situation, as to show that punishment was rendered
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wow this was dark
but only as dark as it has to be
how could we as a race just turn our backs on issues like this piece it was thought provoking and sad that we dont do enough for childen like this nice job with this write in makes me want to be very mad and cry at the same time -
wow i really love this especially the first two stanza's
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awww, how emotive, the tears are running down my face, im speechless, you certainly bring the message accross
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Wow
No wonder u have won 2 trophies already... It is a lovely wirte up and yes you do talk from the point of a social worker.. I hope you do well -
Thank You
For your heartfelt review
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A tale of a poor soul born to those of the ignorant and plain stupid. A real story of real people. Social workers have it just as hard as anyone else, if not harder. Saving lives is what they do, whether or not people want them to. The gruesome picture you have shown us is proof of that. The home the child was found in is in worse than terrible repair, with people in a darker hole than the living situation. And the innocent soul has no place left to go. A piece worthy of remembrance and tears.
Sweetest of dreams! ~D
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Horrific portrait painted upon this page. This made the little hairs on my arms stand up and scream. Those who don't want to love and care for a child should positively never have one. This piece vividly shows the tragedy of an unwanted baby in the filthy world of drug addicts and drunks. Brutal imagery and an effortless flow. Excellent work on a difficult subject. Bravo!
~Lori
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sad and unfortunately a truth in this world. the small snapshot style of this write is well done, draws a picture, almost crime-scene style.
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Hey This Is A Really Good Peom! I Love It!
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it's great, because it's hard-hitting and raises a huge problem in our society which so many people choose to simply ignore. i like that you completely changed the tone at the end too
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this is amazing
this is really good...but at the same time it bothers me because i would hate to see a little kid go through that...and it bothers me people with drug problems who make others suffer because of their mistake....i used to be a drug addict...but i changed my life because i was hurting the people around me and i wish others could learn from my mistake. -
You can make poems so powerful using the least amount of words, it's incredible! I like your neat touch of humour at the end of a piece that does bring very harshly to life one of the sickest most bewildering problems in society...so great write all round, well done x take care x
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Thank you for taking the time to read, and thanks even more for your heartfelt comments. The one thing we can do as a society is let it be known that there is a problem, often times...out of sight/out of mind. And then there are those,as in the comment just under yours that don't want to hear about these tragedies or acknowledge that they exist. Too often we turn our backs and walk away because it's just easier that way.
Or is it because of our own self greed and unwillingness to help another in need, for fear that it may hurt your tender heart. (Thanks for the comment, I needed to vent) Sincerely,,,,,,me -
This is very sad but reality unfortunately. How do we pull all together as a society and truly make a difference for these "needy" people. Somewhere they lost their sense and purpose and meaning in life. Your poem reminds us that something has to be done. If you lack a personal mission and have been imposed to many rules for livng, lives become unfulfilled and unhealthy. Frustration leads to more meaningless and sense of inner contentment and peace disappear. My heart is there with these people. Regards.
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Love the song by the same name
Powerful imagery if not very dark and dismal...
but there is a lot of tragedy in the social worker field that must be endured of lost lives of innocence of childhood.
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thanks for your applaud. I've never heard the song, who sings it?
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Hello
That is a great write. I love it. The flow was perfectionate. the word choice and everything is really good. I love it KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!!!!!
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By the way these are awesome reviews!
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This is Good!
I stand and applaud you my friend, I agree with TaintedMindsCryToo had to say.
You are awesome and have a lot of talent.
Please do not change the background.
This really caught my eye.
I was wondering if I would get entries like this, check out my poem called Dear mommy and daddy.
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I had a friend that grew up in a very abusive family and no one was there to help her ... she managed to survive and is now doing well thankfully but so many don't have a happy ending..
Social services could use this poem to try to get peoplt to step up and take action to help. LOVE the poem HATE that this happens to kids.
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This is a very unique, original poem. It flows well and I think you did a great job getting your point across without being...pushy. That is sometimes hard to accomplish so nice work.
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My poor mother's a social worker/day care provider,
this is a very stingy write.
Which I'm sure is what you where going for
Definatly a unique poem! I liked it!
peace to all ~flight
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Thank you, and bless your poor mother. lol
I have had so much feedback on this writing, I don't think I responded to you. Thanks for taking the time to read...I'm glad you liked it.
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PLOTINGS ARE FOLLOWED AND THIS PIECE IS BEAUTIFUL FOR A PARENT WHO ABUSES THEY OFF SPRING
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I AM SO PLEASED WHAT MY EYES JUST READ. YOU ARE GIFTED YOUR PLOTS WERE FOLLOWED AND YOU DESRCIBE EACH WORD WITH EXPRESSION AND DETAIL AND I APPLAUD YOU.
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Thank you so much for your positive review!
Glad you enjoyed it : )
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I liked it. I wasn't expecting that. The background doesn't seem to fit it really though in my opinion. But i liked your ending. Some parts kind of broke the flow a bit but it was okay. Nice and original.
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Thanks Malicai!...for your sweet, positive review : )
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Thanks for your critique, I agree...I probably could have come up with a better background theme...since the theme is Saving A Life, so ironically I guess skulls are out, but really I was thinking of the whole scene and my bleak outlook at the time I guess. Thanks again for your comments! : )
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This is awesome
At first I was down, and ready to cry.... at the end you made me cheer.... 2 emotions in one poem that is awesome!!!! Dang you rock!
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i love it for being so hard hitting without being too 'in your face'..i don't know why its not really, maybe because you don't shove images at anyone, you jsut kinda say stuff and let people work it out, let them link the phrases for themselves, the whole thing flows really nicely
then at the end i love it for having an (almost comic!?!?!?) twist...you just change the mood so quickly which is great couse i now don't feel the urge to go hurt people, you end on a more lighthearted sounding note
love you all xxx
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Thank you for your very touching and sincere
comments!...I will return the favor : )
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This poem is really sad, I really find it horrible because I have had this happen to someone I know before. I think this is was very well written and it has great flow.
~Alix -
this poem is very raw and connects with something we would all rather ignore, the best poetry does this and forces us to think. When ready this my stomach flipped as no one in their right mind would abandon their child, your rough words heighten the effect of the poem!
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thanks....yes, it is a little rough
but it's reality -
thank you....glad you liked it
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Powerful and politically incorrect. Nice work. One spelling error. It's stench not stinch. Truly hideous imagery, especially the burns on the child's feet. It is disturbing to think that people can mistreat their children like this but, as I associate with some drug people, I know it happens. It would be nice to help these kids, but so much of it goes unseen. I have never seen anything like this, nothing I would call the cops about but enough for me to yell at the parents, this can work sometimes too. A fine evocation of atmosphere, and a searing moral indictment. There are two sides two every story, but sometimes that just doesn't matter.
Well written,
K. F.
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How to save a life;
This is raw, gritty, so real that it astounds me!
Our children are so vulnerable, so special, that any parent who treats their children as you have described, is appalling!
Full credit to you for this piece!
Love & Best Wishes
Veronica
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