Death is approaching, about to swallow
Screaming babies ripped from maternal love
Watching, we pray, faces numb, heads hollow
Throwing faith for them to forces above
A swastika skims in front of their eyes
It is now their turn to give back their time
A guard leads them, his face shining with lies
They must follow like sheep, hands caked in grime
A chamber's door swings and they see their fate
Delirious with fatigue, a child weeps
Death now above them, in showers of hate
Drowning naive lungs, a noxious gas seeps
And person by person, they gasp and sigh-
Person by person, they shudder and die.
Author notes
A Shakesperean sonnet (rhyming scheme - abab/cdcd/efef/gg. 10 syllables in each line).
Do you think is should be 'HANDS caked in grime' or 'HEARTS caked in grime'?
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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From the second line, this just pulled me in!! It's so powerfully painful and sad!!
I don't generally like dark poems, but this one certainly deserves 3 applauses from me!!
Maria
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"And person by person, they gasp and sigh-
Person by person, they shudder and die."
I love that part. This whole piece is very poetic and beautiful and full of darkness and wonders!
btw, I think "hands" works fine!
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(i like hearts caked in grime)
your title completely caught my eye.
but...i am reading two books on this...
you touched me, and by the end of the poem you had me crying. this is...amazing. i am blown away. it is such a horrible thing that happened, so cruel. and the subject is a very touchy matter with me also, but this is wonderful, beautiful. i am still tearing.
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very good
'HEARTS caked in grime'?
the title got me
and
boy, you captured the hooror so well
i don't particularly go for history poems
but
yours had a message that must never be forgotten
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*crying*
Oh gosh, I hate what Hitler had done to all those innocent people. Why! Great...no Wonderful! Magnificent! I love how you elaborated the events the Jews etc were going through. In my history class, We are learning about Auschwitz, Dachoul and the other concentration camps. Wonderful! I'm also a huge fan of Shakespeare's work.
"Hands caked in grime" flows better with the poem. -
This isn't something I would have likely chosen to write a shakesperean sonnet about, but it works really well. Its a strong piece that fires heart-wrenching images with each word.
And I think "hands caked in grime" is much more effective.
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Your syllabic count is right on the money not to mention that this had really brought that sense of being right there duing those times into full light focus. Keep penning
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sad and very morbid
but it gets the point across well
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Excellent and a really different subject for a sonnet. I would be interested in your view on my poem "Arbeit Macht Frei". Great writing!
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Visually presented with deep,poignant imagery. A reflection of a time of horrific porportion, a truly creative sonnet. Poetically intense.
LRD
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Great piece of work, one of the best sonnet's I've read in a while. You really captured the title too, very vivid reading.
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This is an interesting topic to apply the sonnet form to, it is so often associated with romantic poetry it was interesting to see it stained in blood. From whose perspective is this written? "Watching, we pray, faces numb, heads hollow" - is it other inmates or angels, some other outside spectator? I don't really have a criticism. I might make changes if it were mine, but they would only be small points of taste. This is nicely constructed (I'm a sucker for form) and creates an oppressive atmosphere, there is no redemption, no mercy, no help...true to history.
K. F.
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Well at first I thought the other inmates... but angels seems like a good idea. I also though of modern-day people like you and me, perhaps watching a slideshow of it. Good job I left it open to the reader.
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Yeah, those would all make sense...and there's no need to settle on one reading anyway. Cool.
K. F.
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The only think that I don't understand over here is the title of the Sonnet!! The Sonnet is very well written and rhymed. The poem expresses the fear of the upcoming disaster. The words flow spontaneously. The fear of people being handed over to the gas chambers is well expressed. Every line is amazingly written and as such I am unable to point out what I like.
Well done!!
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Auschwiz was a Nazi concentration camp in Poland. Thanks for the comment. xx
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Are you serious? Auscwitz was one of the worst concentration camps!....Are you really serious?
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Brilliant reflection on a tragic and horrible place and time, you have captured the emotion and the vividness of this peice with perfection, excellent job
Karen
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Such a terrifying subject your write about here, well written though, vivid visuals brought to mind, images we have often seen in movies and read about in books. Don't think these images will ever be forgotten, even though it seems nothing was learned from this by anyone in power....
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